We each have our own tick when we are anxious, personally I start chomping away at my nails or fiddling with my fingers. Most people wouldn't realize what is happening behind this tick. In fact they normally look right past it, but the man that stands by our side some how always seems to pick up on these things and can notice when we are drowning on the inside. But what else is there to do, because nothing can shake the anxiety that is eating us inside out. There is no real way to express how we feel, but you always seem to do the best at trying to understand.
1. The constant questions.
At least five times a day you get asked, "Do you still like me?" or, "Are you happy?" not because we are insecure, but because we constantly worry and care about your happiness more than our own. Don't forget the constant "what are you thinking" question, because we wish we could read your mind. When we love you, we will do anything in our power to make you happy.
2. We love deeper.
Once we love you, we love you whole heartedly. You see a side of us that we don't show to many people, and you stay by our side even after we've just got done crying and trying to spit out the words, "I don't know what to do." We will love you for that. Your bed is our safe heaven. Along with your oversized t-shirts, but we apologize for the mascara stain we left on the sleeves from crying the night before.
3. We want to fix everything.
A lot of our anxiety comes from things out of our control. We are independent, but we tend to get caught up on things we can't fix. You're upset because figuratively speaking you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Which makes us wake up on the wrong side of the bed too. Even though it is the same side we sleep on every night. You not being in the happy mood you normally are in just throws our whole day off because we too busy worrying about why you're upset and how to make it better. Even though it's just an off day, we understand there is not much we can do. But it is the idea of not being able to be in control of things, that puts us into an instant panic mode. Try to understand that we have the best intentions at heart.
4. We wish away our anxiety for you.
When you can tell something is upsetting us and you hold us until we finally open up and tell you what is wrong. We instantly feel a wave of guilt that consumes us. We wish you didn't have to deal with this. We aren't broken, we just worry. If we cry, half of the tears are because we don't even understand why we feel like this half the time. We constantly wonder why we can't get rid of our anxiety. We get angry at ourselves for the anxiousness and feelings we have and wish they would just go away. So we sure as hell wish you didn't have to deal with it too.
5. We will apologize.
We will say sorry a thousand times a day, and we will mean every last apology. We fear our mistakes and even the small ones. Only because we want to be a better person for you and even for ourselves. If we spill water on your floor or get crumbs on your bed, get ready to hear, "I'm sorry," even if you have told us over and over to stop apologizing. Which we both know will never happen, just know we are still sorry.
6. We will forever be grateful.
We will forever be grateful for you because you listened. Grateful for the bright spots you have brought into our lives, especially for the ice cream dates that instantly make every thing okay for a short period of time. We thank you for getting us to open up and tell you what we were thinking and feeling inside. It's rare that we share those things with anyone, but some how you always seem to get us to speak up. Thank you for noticing, caring, and reassuring. We appreciate everything you do, we appreciate you.
Thank you, and sorry again.
