When I was younger, I did not fully understand why my mother and father were not together. I never actually understood why he wasn't involved in my life as much as everyone else's dads. All my friend's parents were together so nobody could ever relate to me.

In fourth grade, we had Donuts With Dad and I took my mother's boyfriend because he was the one who actually went to those types of events. In sixth grade, I was asked to write about my father and I decided to write about my stepfather. In high school, I found out from an acquaintance that my grandmother had passed away and my father did not even call me until three months after her death.

In the summer of 2014, while dealing with the unexpected death of my stepfather, who was killed by a drunk driver, I found out my father had drank away his life and now I only had one parent. But then again, I always had one parent.

I had a lot of thoughts growing up as the daughter of an alcoholic, but here are the 6 reoccurring questions I constantly face.

1. "Will your dad be joining us?"

Like I mentioned before, all of my friend's parents were together. I was very much involved in extracurricular activities growing up and occasionally I would have the dreaded question. When I was nine, I was a cheerleader and won homecoming queen for our little team.

They would ask the parents to join the queen and king at the fifty-yard line for a photo. The photographer looked to my mother and me and asked "will her dad be joining us" and I had to watch my mother stutter out a no. I do not even think she realizes I remember this, but I do.

I respect my mother so much for raising me as a single parent. Things got rough, but she always put on a brave face in front of me.

Constantly being asked about my father, especially as I grew up, always led to an interesting conversation. Very few people in my life actually knew the real reason he was never around. I remember always inviting him to events and looking to see if he did show up only to deal with my mothers loving smile telling me "maybe next time."

There never was a next time. As time went on, I would still extend the invite but I did not look for him because, in my heart, I already knew.

I think out of all the missed events, the most heartbreaking was graduation. Sure, he had already passed away and there was no physical way he could be there, but knowing he could have tried to be there by giving up alcohol is what I constantly think of.

Sure, I had a majority of my family there to see me, a first generation high school graduate, get my diploma and walk the stage, but having my father there even after everything is something I always dreamed of. Also knowing that I will not have a father to walk me down the aisle at my wedding someday is something I try not to think about.

I know that there is nothing that I can do that will change it because he never tried to change.

2. "Will you grab me a beer?"

While my father never attempted to be a part of my life, I managed to be a part of his. My grandmother and I were very close as I grew up. When I was born, she helped my mother out and always hoped my parents would find a way back to each other. She even understood why my mother could not continue her relationship with him.

Growing up, I would spend all summer at my grandmothers in her pool and yard. My cousin Emily would typically join us and we would spend the entire day in the pool until my grandmother kicked us out.

My father would occasionally join us.

He would not usually swim but he would sit on the deck watching us when my grandmother went inside. My cousin and I enjoyed playing volleyball in the pool and for those who have played, you know there are times you will have to get out of the pool to go fetch the ball. Once I got to the age to understand, my father would ask me to grab him a drink.

Of course at first, I thought he meant a sweet tea like the rest of us were drinking. Then I started to realize that wasn't what he was asking for. As I got older, he would ask me more and more to grab him a can of his liquid poison.

One day, I decided to count. Within a day, I had been asked to grab him a beer seven times. When I turned 15, I stopped and I told him to get it himself. I thought that would make him open his eyes, but he would just turn around and ask my cousin to do it instead.

3. "Are you sure you should be drinking?"

When people realize your father was an alcoholic, it feels like all eyes are on you as soon as you grab a drink. I am an occasional drinker and if anything, I have a drink or maybe two. I have of course had my fair share of times where I drank a little too much, but it's always something where I know I do not need to drink and I can stop at any time.

The first time I was told "are you sure you should be drinking" was by my ex-best friend. We had gone to a bar near campus and some guys were buying us shots.

She, of course, was not drinking but I took them up on the offer and drank away. It was close to the last call when we were about to leave and I grabbed one more shot, my first purchased drink of the night when she asked me if I should be drinking. I was slightly buzzed so I wasn't sure if I heard her correctly, but I did.

I did not address it that night because I honestly just wanted White Castle and my bed, but it stayed with me the entire night. The next day I asked her what she meant and she thought it was okay to remind me my father was an alcoholic as if I forgot.

The second time I was asked was at this year's Buckeye Country Superfest with friends. We had all been drinking because that is pretty much what everyone was doing, but we did have one designated driver. Our designated driver was some kid I barely knew, but one of my friends who knew about my father was dating him.

As we drank and the day went on, I slowed down and went to just drinking beer. I went to grab another when he stopped me to ask if that was a good idea. I looked at him like "uh dude who are you" before he told me that my friend had told him and maybe it wasn't a good idea since my father was an alcoholic.

Of course, there were many times in between where I was asked this but the most hurtful times are when it's the people close to me who know my feelings towards my father being an alcoholic.

4. "Where is your dad?"

I mean, I was constantly asked where my father was at any point and I used to make up an excuse. It would range from "he's sick" to "out of town for business."

At the end of the day, I knew where he was. My father was either at my grandmother's house drinking away on beer she spent her hard earned money on or at a bar. I should not say a bar, there was always one bar.

I found it is a habit of mine that whenever I passed the bar my father was typically at, I would look. There were several times as I was driving down the road, he would be crossing the street on his way back. I remember there was a hit-and-run a few years before his death on that road and it was someone crossing at the exact same spot. I thought for sure it was him.

When he did pass away, the bar had the frequent customers sign on one of their stools. The stool he had been sitting on for the past twenty-three years. I am not quite sure what happened to that stool, but I know a lot of people loved my father and thought he was a good guy.

5. "How did your dad die?"

When my father passed away in 2014, I did not realize how much it would affect me.

After my stepfather dying two weeks prior due to a drunk driver, everything just kind of fell apart in my life. When my mother came home, I was packing for a trip to Detroit with a friend when she sat me down and told me he was in the hospital and it was not looking good.

She had found out through a family friend who had been at his favorite bar when his roommate told them he had to call an ambulance. After I gathered my composure, I started calling hospitals to see where he was before finally finding out and rushing there.

My father suffered a ruptured esophagus due to frequent vomiting. Basically, the veins in his esophagus had ruptured because he had spent three days drunk. When he got to the hospital, they performed an emergency surgery to repair his esophagus and bring him back to life. He was dead for three minutes during the surgery.

He was also diagnosed with liver failure, which is not a shocker because of the amount he drank. His skin and eyes had turned bright yellow and he didn't even look human. He was in the ICU on life support and they did not believe he would last the night.

My father lived for eight days after he was admitted to the hospital. He was taken off life support on day three and moved out of the ICU on day four. While he was making progress, there was a long road ahead if he was expected to make it out of the hospital alive.

On day six, he acknowledged I was there.

I had visited him every night before I left for South Carolina for a trip that could not be rescheduled. His sister, my Aunt, had assured me she would call me if anything changed. On day eight, my first full day in South Carolina I received the call telling me he had passed away that afternoon.

According to the medical report, after I had left my Aunt had made the decision to admit him to hospice because the doctor had told her that even if he did recover, he would need a liver transplant within the next thirty days. Later that night, he went into cardiac arrest and was barely brought back to life. It happened again the next day, which ultimately led to his death. While I had been traveling to South Carolina, I had no idea what was going on because nobody called me. I had to find out from a distant cousin.

When people ask how my father died, I don't tell them the whole story. I tell him that he drank his life away, which is true. If he was not an alcoholic, he may be here today.

6. "Do you miss him?"

I was not close to my father by any means, but he was still my father.

There were a lot of good times, but there were also a lot of bad. At my fathers funeral, I cried my eyes out because it did not feel real. It also didn't feel real how all of my family was pretending like it was a family reunion rather than a funeral.

At one point, one of his brothers said "we had been carrying him his whole life so I will be doing it again" when asked if he would be a pallbearer. While I got my father was an alcoholic and had not done a lot of right in his life, he was still a human who was no longer on this earth.

I had a half-sister from my father that I never met. I reached out to her via Myspace when I was twelve and we become friends and texted frequently. We were not close at all because she lived over 100 miles away and actually never met our father. When she found out he passed away she sent her condolences but never came to the funeral.

My cousin Amy and her great-grandmother, who I had no relation to whatsoever, were the only members of my family to ask me how I was doing. Everyone else was faking their grief while I, on the other hand, was trying to keep it together. A couple of his neighbors did say hello and offered their condolences, but like I said, it felt a lot more like a family reunion than a funeral.

I think of my father every single day. He may have been the alcoholic who should have been more involved in my life, but he was my father. He may have been who I yelled at to get sober when I was seventeen and never listened, but he was my father. And if I am asked, "do you miss him?", the answer is yes.

I am the daughter of an alcoholic and it doesn't define me at all. It just teaches me what not to be, and that is the greatest lesson I ever learned from him.