For eighteen years, I failed to appreciate you as much as I should have. I was rude, disrespectful and an absolute horror most of the time. Through all of the yelling, screaming, slamming doors and silent treatments, you continued to give me advice that I never listened to until it was too late. Then I went away to college and I realized that every single thing you ever told me was right. (You're going to make me regret saying that, because you still haven't let my older sister forget when she said the same thing ten years ago). But, I'm willing to make that sacrifice because as I sit in my dorm room overwhelmed by homework, all I can think about is how everything would be so much better if you were there to give me one of your pep talks that could beat one given to a television mom any day. So, here are a few of the many lessons that I wish I had learned as soon as you had tried to teach them to me.
1. Not everybody has my best interest at heart
You could always spot a fake friend long before I could. If I had trusted you every single time you warned me that a friendship wasn't in my best interest, I would have been able to spare myself a lot of heartache. But, I was stubborn and I thought that hanging out with the "cool" kids was going to be my key to success. I was wrong and my refusal to listen to you-the only person who always had my best interest at heart-resulted in me spending so much longer unhappy, lonely and miserable than anybody should ever have to. Luckily, by the time I graduated high school I realized that while I didn't need your approval on my friends, it was always better to know that you liked the people I was hanging around with. It was a whole lot safer that way.
2. You will always be on my side
Every single time I came home crying because of something awful that happened at school, the first thing you did was figure out how to make things better. Without blatantly telling me that everybody else in the world was wrong and I was the victim, you reminded me of all of the reasons not to be upset over something so small. And whenever I actually did have validation to feel upset, you were the first person to go marching to my defense. When a teacher publicly targeted me because of a pair of shorts one day, you were about to call the school. Every single time my hard work went unnoticed, you reminded me that I didn't have to be going above and beyond for people who didn't appreciate me. In backing me up and supporting me, you taught me more important life lessons than I could ever fit onto one list.
3. Which doesn't mean you always said I was right
You were always the first person to tell me that I was wrong. That I was acting ridiculously. That I was being immature. You had no shame in telling me that I was in the wrong, but that didn't mean that you let me go wallow in my room. Instead, you reminded me that I wasn't perfect and that I had plenty of my own flaws, all of which weren't going to be appreciated by everybody that I met. You never let me live in a fantasy where everybody else was out to get me and I was a poor, helpless victim. Instead, you taught me to realize when I was wrong and apologize, which taught me how to be stronger.
4. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent
My mom never tried to make me believe that I was perfect or that I was better than everybody else around me. But, she never allowed me to feel like I was worthless because of somebody else. Whenever I didn't excel at something immediately, she reminded me that the hard work I put into things was going to make me better off in the long run. Whenever I would compare myself to somebody else because I wasn't happy with my own appearance or intelligence or whatever, my mom would remind me of all of the wonderful qualities that I had within myself. She wasn't trying to blow my head up. Instead, she was trying to remind me that everybody has something special about them and nobody is better than anybody else.
5. She was my mom first-my friend second
I never lived in fear of my mother. I always respected her, but I was never afraid of her. I could talk to her about anything, because she was my best friend. I realize that more and more as I grow older. But, I always respect her as an authority figure because she was always quick to remind me, every single time I got out of hand, that she was mother. That she wasn't my best friend and there to let me do whatever I wanted at her expense. She was there to protect me and ensure that I was learning valuable lifelong lessons. And understanding the boundaries about these blurry lines is definitely a lesson I'll forever be grateful for.
6. No matter what, she'll always be there
No matter what time it is or what's going on in her own life, if I call her with a problem, I know that she'll drop everything to be there to support me. She's dedicated entire days to driving to visit me at my college campus because she was worried that I wasn't as "okay" as I was claiming to be during our phone calls. If I'm having a problem, I know that the one person I can always count on to be there for me is my mom and she will always be my shoulder to cry on.
