In the generation of trying to work on mental health more, we tend to not know what to say when we find out a friend or loved one is suffering. These issues also tend to pop up more with eating disorders -- how do you show that you care for someone without hurting them? Though sentiments can be nice, here's how to prevent even further harm.
1. "Why don't you just eat?"
It makes me shudder to hear this -- if only it were that easy to "just eat". When you view food as the root of all your problems, it becomes difficult to distinguish food as anything other than a villain. Telling someone to "just eat" suggests that it's a choice of eating vs. not eating, when in reality, it's much deeper than that.
2. "You look so thin!"
While many think those with eating disorders want to look good, 'thin' and 'good' are not synonymous. It only calls attention to the fact that either their disordered eating is causing them to receive compliments, or that people are even calling attention to their body. Though compliments can seem harmless, it's comments like these that only further the problem. To show your support, perhaps give compliments based on talents, skills, or personality -- anything other than appearance.
3. "I feel so fat."
Comments about appearance don't help anyone. Don't belittle yourself -- calling yourself fat doesn't help the issue or make anyone feel any better.
4. "Are you not going to finish everything on your plate?"
Though comments addressing how much food your friend's eating may seem helpful and harmless, trust me, your friend has already been thinking about how much or how little food they're going to eat hours before the meal even started. With an eating disorder, food becomes the central focus of every single thought and decision. Show your support by not paying attention to amounts of food that you or your friend are eating. Talk about anything else and show that food doesn't have to be the focus of your meal.
5. "That girl looks anorexic."
News flash -- You can't tell just by looking whether or not someone has an eating disorder. Just as someone who may be on the thin side doesn't necessarily have an eating disorder, someone who's not thin may just as easily have an eating disorder. Just as you wouldn't call attention to your appearance or your friend's, don't try to defuse the situation by talking about other people and their appearances.
6. "Why did you get an eating disorder?"
A lot of people want to put blame on the media and images that perpetuate eating disorders, but truthfully, it's difficult to see where the cause can be. A lot of times, eating disorders are caused by a lack of control or already existing genetically/biologically predispositions. It's frustrating to not know why you have this illness, so don't interrogate the background of it. Instead, try and give your friend room to breathe and opportunities to make choices on their own, even little ones.
Knowing that loved ones are suffering is so difficult. Offer your support by letting them have some control, by not focusing on the illness, but always offering an open ear without judgment.
