My third and latest tattoo is roman numerals on my wrist, I got it about a month ago and the tattoo represents a date that is really important in my life. That date is the last time I self-harmed.

Honestly, it is a little weird to have the date tattooed on my wrist because everyone asks me about it. I especially get asked a lot at work (I work at Chipotle), by customers, and there is nothing more uncomfortable than leading with “would you like mild, medium or hot salsa on your burrito?” and then ending the conversation with, “oh yea the tattoo is the date of the last time I self-harmed, do you want chips or drinks with that?” So, honestly I’ve started bullshitting people about what the tattoo means because sometimes I really just don’t want to get personal about my very, very personal tattoo.

So, I decided to get personal about my latest tattoo in this article. When I do tell people that I got the date of the last time I self-harmed permanently tattooed on my wrist they have questions and honestly I don’t blame them, because I would too.

My least favorite question is: what made you self-harm the last time?

That is not why I got this tattoo. I didn’t get it because I wanted to immortalize the thing that drove me to slash my wrist that last time. I got this tattoo because whenever I look down at my wrist I’ll always know that who I am is bigger than a moment of weakness. Every time I have ever self-harmed it has been because I have been caught up in a moment of weakness. This tattoo reminds me that I am strong and that I made a promise to myself to never self-harm again.

I realized that this tattoo is more than just numbers that represent a date, it is a promise to myself that I will learn to be strong for myself.

The tattoo itself brings up a whole slew of questions, especially for people who care about me and honestly sometimes it is really hard to talk about because I don't want to get into a long conversation about my depression and my history of self-destructive behavior. And every time I have self-harmed I have hid it from people that I love and care about. So, when some of you see my new tattoo you're going to realize that the last time I self harmed was this past year. I didn't tell anyone about it because I was ashamed and I was scared people were going to think differently of me. Since then, I have learned that my weak moments are nothing to be ashamed of because those weak moments teach me to be strong. I am proud of myself and I am proud of my tattoo because it symbolizes a promise I have made to myself to never self-harm again.