Waking up every morning, it was the same routine before I left my house: wash face, put on makeup, take off makeup because my eyelashes were chunky, re-apply makeup, change my outfit roughly nine times and then finally leave. In school, I would look around the hall, smile at my friends, smile at some teachers, go to class and then go home. I was a zombie.
Yet, part of this is kind of a secret. Nobody knows that when I looked in the mirror before I put on my makeup, I pointed out every flaw. Nobody knows that while I was walking around the halls at school, I would get nervous. Nervous that girls, prettier than me, were judging me. Nervous that girls, in better shape than me, were judging me. I didn’t think I was good enough, but because I put on this “front” for everyone around me to see, no one could tell I was ever upset.
Then one day, something changed. Something in me sort of “clicked," and I realized that it didn’t really matter what other people thought about me because everyone is different. Everyone really is beautiful. When I realized that, my entire attitude changed. Sure, it took a lot of time, but I began to be truly happy, which is something I never felt before. “You are the only you, be the best you that you can be,” is probably the worst, most cliché thing I have ever heard. It’s been disgustingly repeated to me, over and over again. Yet now, I look at it with a whole new angle.
Something that’s sometimes hard to wrap your head around is that each and every one of you were hand-picked to do something crazy in this life. You were beautifully and wonderfully made. You have purpose, and you have worth. You are so deeply, and dearly loved. You are entirely worth it. And if nobody has told you that before, please believe me. Because it’s true. I’ve been there; I didn’t believe. Now that I do, I’m searching. I’m searching for my purpose, for my “crazy” thing I get to do. Now that I believe that, I know my worth, and I know I’m unconditionally loved, and I always will be.
I was always so confused when I dated because I wasn’t sure what I wanted; I wasn’t sure what was good for me and what wasn’t. But now, it’s clear to me what I need in my life and what I don’t, because I got to know myself. I got comfortable with who I am and who I want to be. I learned that sometimes, it’s just going to be you in this life. People come and go, whether it’s friendships, family, or other relationships you may hold with people. You’re the only one that’s stuck with you, ‘till death do you part. As the Biebs would say, “baby you should go and love yourself.” It’s more important than you’ll ever realize because coming from first-hand experience, you really cannot love someone else before you learn to love yourself. And not loving people can be pretty dang hard.
