Change is something that happens constantly. Whether it be something as trivial as becoming a year older on your birthday, or something a bit more difficult such as moving or switching schools, change is difficult. One of the hardest changes of them all is when your parents decide to get a divorce. No matter how old you are at the time, once your family decides it's best for them to split up, a big change is in the air. And it is not one bit easy.
Although divorce is the same in the fact that it is a difficult change to go through, each one is different in their own respect.
Sometimes, the divorce is for the better. Your parents may have been on the rocks for a while now. They may have been arguing constantly, and tensions between everyone may have been high. The separation may not even be a shock. It may be something that you silently hoped for since all of that fighting began.
And then there are divorces that come as a complete surprise. One day, everything in your family may seem perfectly fine, and you may have even considered yourselves as the poster family of happiness and success. But, the day after that, nothing is fine. Your parents may have come up to you and told you that they are separating and your whole world was turned upside down.
Regardless, a huge change is about to affect your entire life.
You have to deal with not seeing both of your parents on the daily. Depending on what your parents agree to, you have to live with only one of them for the majority of the time. Then comes the management of time between the both of them. Maybe you see your dad every other weekend, and one day a week. Maybe you see your mom for the first half of the week and spend the later half of it with your dad. Every arrangement is different, and not one is easier than the other.
Birthdays and holidays are not the same anymore. You may get two birthdays and two Christmases, and you may think that is the most awesome thing in the world. But no matter how many gifts you receive, you will always keep in mind that these fun times just aren’t the same anymore. You’ll never get the opportunity to wake up on Christmas morning with both of your parents again, and it’s something you are not used to. This has changed. Everything has changed.
New people may come into your life too. Your mom may marry a guy she met only a year before, and your dad may start dating just a few months after the separation. You may love them, or you may hate them. You may even feel as if these new people in your life are, in a sense, replacing your other parent. And this may hurt you inside. You may feel as if you are betraying your parent. But you realize that this is just another change in your life, and it’s another thing you just have to deal with.
They say that it will get better as you get older, which may be entirely true. Once you’re an adult and you are on your own, it could be a lot easier to deal with the change in your family. You’ll be able to see both of your parents on your own terms, and it might not feel as if you are taking sides. But, it may not get better. Maybe, as you get older, one relationship with one parent could dissolve into virtually nothing, and the other will grow as if they were the only parent that you ever had. And this is just another change that comes along with divorce.
If divorce has taught me anything, it’s to love and cherish deeply and honestly. Experiencing a divorce has shown me that love is fragile, and needs to be treated the right way. Divorce has taught me that if I love, I need to love with my entire heart and love truthfully. Divorce has taught me to put my happiness first, and not to settle with someone that I am unhappy with.
Going through change is something that everyone will experience, whether it is in their control or not. And children of divorce experience one of the toughest changes of all.
