During perilous times, citizens everywhere found different ways to survive their environment. Whether war was raging or natural disasters were destroying entire communities, people took certain measures or precautions to ensure their safety and the safety of their loved ones. During the Cold War, people invested in bomb shelters. If there's a flash flood warning, people tend to avoid swimming. If a less than favorable, well actually, a potentially detrimental candidate could win a super high position in power in your government . . . what would you do?
I’ve compiled a few ways to reasonably flee the country if my fears become reality, that is, that Donald Trump doesn’t hold a HUUUGE press conference where he explains that his candidacy was a big satirical stunt to demonstrate what a harmful potential president’s actions would be prior to the actual election. On a more descriptive note regarding all my hopes and dreams, following this press conference that hasn’t occurred yet, all of his voter’s would be really embarrassed, probably blush a lot, and then world peace would ensue.
Anywho, here are some suggestions to help on some of your escape plans:
1. Invest in a fantastic shovel
This way you can map out an underground tunnel, determine how far below the infamous wall you need to dig, and have someone meet you on the other side to take you to another place where someone as ridiculous as Trump doesn’t have some sort of control over the country. The United Kingdom sounds nice, but also I heard that Canada is waiting for people like you. These countries would probably be forgiving regarding citizenship, considering some of the unforgivable events leading up to election, for instance, Donald Trump’s mocking of a handicapped reporter. They would love to save you.
2. Find a pen pal and mail yourself to them
Of course begin this genuinely. Find a friend-from-another-mother-country and once you have a strong bond that can’t even be pulled apart by identical magnetic ends, ask them to accept a gigantic UPS box with you inside of it. Remember to pack unperishable snacks inside for the journey, to poke holes into the packaging for air, and to buy enough stamps to ensure your travel. It might also make the trip a tad less uncomfortable if you attach a few “fragile” stickers to the box as well, but leave room for those stamps I mentioned earlier!
3. A Study-Abroad program
If your College or University offers this, then take advantage of this opportunity! Get fantastic grades, learn a new language, apply to the program if that’s part of the requirements, and then go. Just refuse to come back once you’re there and then you’re set. This is perfect if you’re finishing your final semester classes somewhere else. Then they could possibly mail you your certificate or degree and you can avoid that embarrassing college dropout stigma as well as homelessness. Begin your new life, change your name if you’re into that, and you can see what all the hullabaloo those Tumblr travel blogs are about. Maybe you could make one yourself! So many possibilities!
4. Invest in an island
Of course you can’t just buy an island the way Trump’s trying to buy the election; however, maybe a community investment is within reach. Gather a group large enough, maybe hold a conference or a music festival where bands that also dislike Trump and his ideals can play and share this idea over the loud speaker. Split the cost with everyone interested and basically create your own country dedicated to living a Trump-free life.
5. Become an Astronaut
Get some space from Donald Trump by studying hard and getting a job in NASA. Make sure to avoid plagiarism, not only is it dishonest, but if your wrongdoing becomes infamous enough, you may have more memes made about you than Melania Trump. Maybe you could do it Good Will Hunting style and start out in maintenance, get discovered, and sent straight to outer space. Of course you’d have to get some training in before you can get your asteroid out of here and that may overlap a little with Donald’s term, but eventually you’ll be light-years away so think of that when you become discouraged.
Hopefully these ideas were useful to you in your endeavors; maybe they even inspired some of your own ideas. But, if none of these seem in reach or possible, perhaps you could be a little proactive and avoid a Trump presidency entirely. Get out there and vote folks.
