Whether it’s while walking down a hallway at school or a long stretch of sidewalk on the street, we’ve all been there when you recognize someone casually walking your way—except you’re currently 20+ yards apart. You might think, "Oh crap, I made out with that guy last night at the bar" or maybe it's your best friend rocking some tight jeans and you think "awe what a hottie." Regardless if you want to see this person or not, the space of time between acknowledging their existence and actually engaging with it, is unbearable. You’re stuck in this uncomfortable dance of noticing, staring, twitching, and most definitely, awkwarding. Until, of course, you finally get close enough to say “Hey, what’s up?” and then keep walking on your merry way. My question is, was the awkward worth it? My answer is no. So here are 5 ways to avoid that awkward long-distance walking escapade.
1. Frolic their way gaily
Open those arms wide and stretch out a big doggy smile, because you’re about to squelch the awkward with hard-core romance. Or bromance. Or hoemance. Whatever, it’s an entertaining filler instead of staring at each other with a faint smile for the10 seconds it takes to reach one another.
2. Play the chicken dance
No, not the dance we learned in elementary school, or from your dad at a family BBQ. This chicken dance refers to the head movements of a chicken (or any bird for that matter) that I find to be just so entertaining. To master this move, you must embrace your surroundings, and your inner chicken *moment of PTSD from being called chicken legs all through high school* Ahem, anyways. Try to find small food items on the ground. Focusing on shiny objects is a good way to start off. Don’t forget to broaden your range of movement—don’t stick to horizontal eye level twitches, throw in some darting stares towards the sky, ceiling, or whatever else is in your view. OOO isn't the world interesting?
3.Fake a phone call
This maneuver can work wonders if performed correctly. You’ll need three things: a phone, acting skill, and luck. Start first by putting your phone in your pocket if you’ve already had it in hand, or simply stop engaging with it. After a brief millisecond, take your phone out of your pocket and turn it over. Become suddenly surprised; I like to throw in a subtle eye-bulge or a questionable look like, “who the eff is calling me?” If you really wanna get into it, an eye roll before “answering” your call can make for some great theatrics as you pass by your acquaintance. The problem with the fake-phone-call tactic is that’s there’s too much room for error. Your phone could actually go off while you’re fake-talking. Or your face could activate a button and reveal the home screen. This technique takes guts and practice, but it also provides a barrier for conversation, which is an added bonus.
That’s right, Karen, I’m on the phone, don’t stop and chat with me about that recipe you found on Facebook.
4.Create a cut-off
This can be done a number of ways depending on the location. What I mean by cut-off is to literally cut-off the direct line of vision between you and your acquaintance. If walking outdoors, maybe stop and turn to look at a squirrel. The leaves on the ground or the trunk of a tree can make for great excuses to stop and take a snap. As long as whatever you’re doing cuts off a direct line of contact with your person, this maneuver should work. In a hallway or an office, you have to be more creative. Turning and tying your shoe is a universal go-to, as is creating a dramatic sneeze that both closes your eyes from the other person and, if you have decent hygiene, turns your body away from them as you guard the world from your nostril buddies.
When all else fails, there’s always one more option:
5. Hide
If you truly do not want to feel your cheeks burn as you awkwardly stare at this person from across the way, hiding will bring you no shame. Hoodies, the lapels of shirts, or even just your hands make for great “don’t look at me” shields. If you’re outside and your person hasn’t seen you yet, maybe tuck and roll behind a bush or jump in a pile of leaves. Take advantage of wall space and crowds to try and make yourself scarce. If you’ve got sunglasses, now’s the time to use them, who cares if it’s 9 PM or you're indoors? Maybe you just got your pupils dilated, nobody has to know.
Now, go do you and the world a favor, and be less awkward.
