Anxiety is never a topic that most people willingly discuss, especially if you are the one experiencing its attacks. The disorder can be brutal and I don't just mean for the person with it. Friends and family can become exhausted from watching a loved one deal with a pain that they can't control or stop. However, there are things you do to help someone with anxiety. You see, sometimes the things you say can set an anxious person off and send them into an attack. Granted, the attack wouldn't be caused by JUST you because there are always other factors but your words can make a difference.
Here are a few things to NOT say when a person is feeling anxious or experiencing an attack:
1. "You're overreacting..."
To you, our response to a situation seems unjustifiable. What you don't know is that we've run the 100,000 different outcomes in our head that could result from this situation and we don't know how to feel. We are not overreacting. We are simply trying to sort through all of the emotions that are coming at us in a split second. How would you feel if every emotion you've ever felt came in one rush? You'd be overwhelmed, right? Well, try experiencing that at every second of the day.
2. "Get over it already"
Impossible. Our brain doesn't function like most. Just when a normal person would begin to forget about that embarrassing moment that happen a few months ago, our brains are just beginning the endless loop of replaying that exact moment. We can't get over something that refuses to be forgotten.
3) "So what if they haven't texted you back, they're probably just busy"
Maybe...or maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I took too long to respond and now they're mad. Let me go and reread our conversation to make sure nothing I said could've offended them. Or wait, maybe they're in trouble. Were they driving when I texted them? Were they in class and I got them in trouble with their professor? Oh Gosh, this is all my fault!! This is what goes through the mind of a person dealing with anxiety. You could've just left your phone in your car while you ran into the grocery store for a minute and we think the world is ending. Seems crazy, I know, but it's a very real experience that we have to try and keep under control all of the time.
4. "Calm down, you're going to be fine"
This is a two-parter. First off, if we could calm down we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Secondly, of course we'll be fine. Many people dealing with anxiety have dealt with it their whole lives. So, when you actually see someone going through an attack, just know it's not their first rodeo.
5) "No, I don't have time to talk to you right now"
If you know someone with anxiety and they are reaching out to you because they need to talk, 9/10 times it is very serious and they need to talk out their problems or they may explode. I've had this done recently to me. In the person's defense, I don't think they realize how bad my anxiety is and I don't think they really knew how serious I was when I asked to talk with them. However, in this particular instance, they were the only person I wanted for comfort and I didn't get it, which made the two attacks that followed that much worse. If you receive a text or phone call from a loved one that's feeling anxious and they say they need to talk...LISTEN.
Many times, anxiety just makes a person look like they are over-reacting and over-thinking the simplest of situations. But that's the thing...they aren't trying to and they certainly don't want to be. The most tiresome thing is having overcritical thoughts run through your head 24/7, but that is what this disorder does. As a person looking in from the outside, the best thing for you to do is be there for your person. Sometimes being there for them can mean sitting in silence and holding them until the tears dry up and the attack subsides. Other times, comfort can come from you talking it out with them. Ask what's wrong and really listen to the things that are running through their mind, no matter how insane it sounds. You never know, your words could be the one thing an anxious person is looking to for solace. Choose them carefully.
