Most kids who attend Preview their freshman year have similar concerns; will I make any friends? Will I get the classes that I want? Will my Preview Staffer be friendly (which of course is a silly concern because Preview staffers and genetically bred to be friendly)? But me? My biggest concern was completely unrelated to school. My main concern went a little like this, “Will people be willing to be friends with me, an overweight person?”
Ridiculous, I know.
I was always a little chubby, but over my senior year of high school, the stress of college applications made me gain weight like I never knew possible. My self-esteem plummeted and the very little self-worth I did have, became non-existent. I didn’t like looking at pictures of myself and cried when I saw what I now looked like. I didn’t want others to see me or be seen with me. I didn’t want them to judge me, imagining all the things people would say behind my back, “That poor girl, she’s already fat, what’s going to happen when the Freshman 15 hits her?”
I made myself a vow. I would not allow the Freshman 15 to affect me, I would actively try to live a healthier lifestyle and prevent that nasty stereotype. Slowly but surely, the pounds shed away; I kept eating healthily and exercised regularly. Before I knew it, I had lost over thirty pounds. My body looked like the “after” of a before/after picture of Hydroxy-cut or one of those other phony weight-loss infomercials.
I didn’t realize how drastic, my change was, until I went home over Spring Break. I finally ended up weighing myself and realized the drastic change. But something kept bugging me; I didn’t feel different. I had lost 30 pounds and I didn’t feel any different. 20 percent of my body mass didn’t exist anymore and I didn’t feel different. I looked like a different person, and still, I didn’t feel different.
Wasn’t I supposed to have the confidence of a Victoria’s Secret model and be the sexy person I thought all skinny people were? I began self-analyzing, and these are the conclusions I came up with.
1.There is no “quick fix” to anything
The biggest thing that happens when you change your lifestyle is the realization that there is no quick fix to anything. Though this fact makes it difficult to stay motivated, it makes your change much more sustained. You don’t see the change that is happening to your body; it’s so slow, you don’t notice it. Don’t be deterred by that fact -- no lasting change is instantaneous, and without making this article sound like every cliché in the book, Rome wasn’t Built in a Day.
2. You will be uncomfortable with other people commenting on how you look.
I always thought the compliment, “You look soooo skinny!” was the best type of flattery in the entire world. Little did I realize how uncomfortable that comment would make me feel. Just as much as someone doesn’t like criticism on how fat they look, any comment, especially by acquaintances, not friends, on my body made me feel awkward. Another remark I got a lot was, “You look so good now!”
Really? Thanks for telling me I wasn’t attractive before, but now I am :)
3. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I’ve always held Victoria’s Secret as the epitome of what beauty is. From their height, to their hair, their body and their smile, everything about them made me want to be them. But, funnily enough, it was my brother who made me realize that not even Victoria’s Secret models are “hot” to everyone. Watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last year, my brother sat with me for a total of 10 minutes before he declared, “Those girls are too skinny, they look sick!” and walked away. If people didn’t find Victoria’s Secret models attractive, then what had the world come to? What was I supposed to do if people don’t find the hottest women in the world hot? I thought to myself, well, I find Jackson Avery on Grey’s Anatomy incredibly hot but my best friend doesn’t. I find Liam Hemsworth more attractive than Chris, but she thinks Chris is more attractive than Liam. We’re all different and beauty isn’t universal. Your beauty is not determined by what one person thinks of you. It isn’t even determined by what a million people think of you. You are as beautiful as you yourself think you are. You are as beautiful as you let yourself be.
4.You are your own worst critic
Slightly negating what I said previously, people aren’t always looking at you. You are ten times harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be. The things you think about yourself are a million times harsher and crueler than anyone could ever dream possible. With that said, it’s time to be positive about you and your body, because if you aren’t positive before your “change,” you won’t be afterwards. Your external alteration is only going to be as positive as your internal one.
5.Your insides are all that stay with you
No matter what you do to the outside of your body; weight loss, weight gain, piercings, tattoos etc, your insides are going to be the same. If you aren’t body positive before your change, nothing you do to your outside will change how you feel about yourself. The only person who sticks with you your entire life is you; parents and other family won’t always be around to tell you how beautiful you are. Friends will come and go and boyfriends will as well. For all intents and purposes, you are your own best friend, so what’s the point of hating yourself? This is the biggest thing I wish I had known before I embarked on my body transformation journey. I thought that losing all the weight and becoming skinny would solve my problems, when in reality it seemed to only magnify the issues I already had. I didn’t feel different about myself and my confidence didn’t change, instead it further compounded my negative dysmorphic body ideal. When I looked in the mirror, I still felt ugly and nothing anyone said could change that. Only I could change that.
Changing yourself is incredibly difficult—everyone says that. But what they don’t say is how difficult it is to change what you think of yourself. You are your best friend and the only person you should be completely content with, is yourself. It is difficult to say this without sermonizing and even more difficult to practice what you are reluctantly preaching. Being “okay” with your body isn’t simple and being “okay” with who you are is much easier said than done, but if we, collectively foster body positivity within ourselves, that body positivity is much easier to achieve.
