October is Depression Awareness Month, and as someone who currently suffers with anxiety and depression, I felt as if it was important to talk about the things that you should not tell someone you know struggling with mental health.
1. "Just pray about it"
As a firm believer in God, I know that in due time He will make a way, but right now I barely want to move out of my bed. Telling me to just put my problems away and hop up like nothing is wrong is not helping me. If you do not know what to say to someone when they come to you with their issues, be honest with them by letting them know you do not know how to help them. Yes, prayer is a crucial part of the healing process, but releasing your feelings is an important step as well. Encourage them to seek professional help, as well as maintaining their relationship with whatever higher power to ensure their recovery process.
2. "It's not that serious"
You may look at what I am dealing with as something minor, but the way that my brain operates tells me otherwise. I can not shut my mind off every little thing I do is accompanied by something negative and positive. Every decision I make I feel as though it will be the last one and that makes me anxious. Instead of saying its not that serious tell them that you need a better understanding of why they are feeling the way they are about a certain situation. Get them to be vocal about what they are going through; that allows them to express what they are thinking so that their thoughts are not jumbled up in their heads.
3. "You're strong, you'll get through this"
This has to be the worst possible thing you can tell me, especially if I come to you weak and vulnerable to talk about what I am going through. You are right — I am strong because I wake up everyday and act like nothing is wrong with me even though it was a struggle for me to get out of the bed this morning. I am strong because until I just told you, you did not even know depression was something that I was dealing with. The catch here is that I feel like I can't get through this, so I came to you for solitude. If you do not know what to tell someone dealing with depression and anxiety, once again, be honest and let them know. Recommend them to a college counselor or someone that is licensed to help them thoroughly; until then, just be there for them making sure they are getting better.
4. "You just need to relax"
You don't think that I haven't told myself that a number of times? My mind does not stop running; all I can do is play consistent scenarios in my head, so relaxing is honestly not something that I know how to do. If I was able to "just relax" then I wouldn't be coming to you for advice. People will not tell you openly that they are depressed or they have times when their anxiety takes over. They will come to you about small moments that are going on, and it is important to take time to understand how to to be a positive in their time of need.
5. "There are more important things happening in the world"
This must be the worst thing to tell someone who is battling with anxiety and depression. You have made them feel as if what they are going through has no importance to you and by dismissing their needs you have just made the situation worse. Being open and honest about anxiety and depression is a hard thing for someone to do; you may not know how to help, but do not dismiss their problems as being trivial. Allow them to know that they have a safe space with you because if you love them you will work to find ways to help them overcome their anxiety and depression.
*If you know someone that is struggling with depression and anxiety and you are looking for ways to help reach out to the Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863.
