Taking a break from my weekly series on mental disorders to cover a topic I feel needs very specific attention. As someone who suffers from depression, far too often am I misunderstood even by people who know me and my illness (despite the good intentions they have). Depression is a very complex illness that affects everyone differently, so I'm mostly speaking from personal experience. Here are five things depressed people would like you to know.
1. Emotional symptoms of depression are not constant.
I have a rather severe form of depression, but there are times when I'm able to genuinely enjoy myself, or at least put on a face and convincingly fake it - but I am still depressed. Some depressed people have specific things that can trigger an onslaught of negative emotions, and even if you were having a good time a moment ago, there's not much you can do once those floodgates open up. Sometimes I overthink social situations and fall into a pattern of negative thoughts, and I withdraw inside myself; it isn't a mood swing, it's just my illness.
2. We appreciate invitations, even if we don't go.
Sometimes, when I'm having a very deep depressive episode, I don't have the strength nor the willpower to leave my room, much less go out and party. This doesn't mean I don't like you, or that I don't appreciate the invitation - I probably appreciate it more than most people. Depression has a twisted way of making a person feel invisible. When you invite us to go places, or even just send us a friendly text to let us know we're in your thoughts, we feel valued and respected.
3. It helps us to take baby steps.
Depression makes a lot of things more difficult than they should be. Getting up and going out is like running a marathon sometimes, and oftentimes a person suffering from depression will get overwhelmed. Instead of asking a depressed person to go to a club or a party, ask them to go on a walk, or for a drive, or just have a quiet night at home and watch movies. Encourage them to slowly work their way up to big tasks, and you're much more likely to see positive progress.
4. It's hard for us to talk about.
We still live in a world where mental illness is stigmatized (even if things are improving), and it's often hard for depressed people to express themselves without fearing judgment or ridicule. We're very sensitive to rejection and dismissal, so we're very prone to reflexively responding to inquiries with "I'm fine!". Don't be afraid to gently prod a depressed person for an honest answer. Assure them that you won't judge them for how they feel, and simply listen; an open ear is often much more helpful than advice.
5. Medication and therapy are helpful, but so is simple love and kindness.
The most insidious part of depression is how isolating it can be. It's an illness that corrupts our thought patterns and convinces us that we have no worth, and blinds us to the love and compassion people feel for us. The best thing you can do to help a person with depression is simply make time for them, even if it's just a quick text. All the medications and counselors I've had can't compare to the kindness I've been shown by a few choice friends and relatives.
