Depression is tricky. It can come and go, stay for a long time, or be gone for a long time. When you love someone with depression, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Depression is not a choice.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. In no situation or context is depression ever a choice. There are many types and can appear differently in everyone. Some feel sad, angry, empty, worthless. It can vary every day. It is not something someone can just “get over." It is something to work at every single day and is made easier with a solid support system.
2. They most likely will push you away at some point, this is normal.
Often people with depression will isolate themselves. They will keep everything inside, and not even think about opening up. They think that by opening up they are being a burden, and even if you say otherwise, it is still a constant thought. Do not take it personally, it is part of the process of opening up. Typically they will push you far away before they pull you close and open up.
3. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed.
Everything that is happening is difficult and heavy stuff. Allow yourself to feel drained, overwhelmed, and any other emotion. There is no doubt it will have an impact on your life. Don’t feel like you have to hide your emotions because they are depressed, they want to be treated like a normal person. You need to feel as though you can openly express your thoughts and emotions with them in order to work through it. Make sure you are focusing on yourself enough, don’t put all your focus on them.
4. What they are dealing with is not about you and is not your fault.
It’s nobodies fault. It can be extremely difficult to understand what the person struggling is going through, just know it's not about you. If they need space from you, do not take it personally. If you feel as though it is about you, or something you need to discuss, then go ahead and do so. There are a million thoughts flying through their mind. Chances are whatever they are thinking or struggling with is not about you or is not your fault.
5. They don't want to be going through this alone.
Having someone by your side during this time is extremely helpful and comforting. Sure, someone with depression keeps a lot to themselves and is a pro at pushing people away, but it doesn’t mean they really want to be alone. Schedule time to hang out, even just to go grab a bite to eat. Randomly reach out every once and a while even if they continue to say no. Just having someone offer can easily let them know they aren’t alone.
