The school year is about to start. This finally hit me last week as I realized that I had to update my school nurse on my condition. As the school year draws nearer I am overcome with dread and anxiety. I am not anxious over my course load or clubs though, I am concerned for what my classmates and teachers will think of me. Those of us with chronic pain understand that there are times when we have to just stand up and leave the classroom to keep our composure, but sometimes our teachers are not as understanding. These are the five things I want my teachers to know before I go back to school.
1. I do not want to be missing your class
The first thing any teacher needs to know about me is that I have always been a bright, passionate girl who wants to learn. I am still that girl, but my illness makes it a lot more difficult for me to learn. On certain days I may need to stand up from my desk and leave class to keep myself from having a pain induced meltdown. What you as a teacher do not see though is that I do not want to be leaving class. I want to be a normal student who can sit through a lecture and absorb every word, but my illness has stolen this from me. I will try to limit how often I leave class to see the nurse, but the only thing I can do now is prepare you for this occurrence.
2. My pain is very real, but I do hide it well
Earlier this year my counselor asked me how my teachers would be able to tell if I am in pain. The truth is that not many people can tell if I am in pain because I always keep my "I'm ok" mask on. Unlike others who experience periodic pain, I do not cringe or complain. Instead, I remain seated completely complacent trying to make it through the lesson. What you do need to know though is that my pain is very real. I have a range from 2-8 for how bad my pain can be on a daily basis, but this is managed by medications. I have chronic dislocations due to a connective tissue disorder which is what causes this wide range in pain. While these dislocations are chronic, they do still hurt, so this is often where my need to leave class stems from.
3. My best friend and my worst enemy is my pain medication
I love my pain medication. It manages how much I feel when I dislocate, and it makes my life livable. The problem with these medications and my pain is that they cause terrible brain fog. The best way I can explain my brain fog is that I know the answer to a question, but I just cannot reach it at the back of my brain. It feels as if their is a veil of mist or fog between myself and the answer I am looking for. This causes it to take me more time than others to remember an answer, but if I say I do know it please bear with me.
4. I do not want you to pity me, but I do appreciate you checking up on me
One of my least favorite things as a person living in chronic pain is those people that say "oh you poor thing". I try to live a normal, fun life, but when someone pities me it puts a negative light on myself. All other parts of my personality melt away as you become enthralled by feeling bad for me. The people I get along with the best are the people unphased by my illness. These are the people who treat me like anyone else, but still will occasionally ask how I am doing. I am so drawn to these people because I know that they see the real me while having compassion. So, don't feel bad asking about my illness, but also try not to feel to bad for me; I'm just like any other student, except I have some special needs
5. I do not want to make your life as a teacher more difficult
I already feel like a burden to everyone else in my life due to my doctors appointments and physical restrictions, so it is not my goal to make your life more difficult. I will need certain exceptions and accommodations made for me though. One of the most critical things for you to understand is that my pain is real and will cause some issues and that is why I will have strange requests. When I ask to tape record class it is because I will often not remember it and not to rat you out to the principal, so please just ask me why I need certain accommodations.
The most important thing to remember about a student with chronic pain is that we struggle every day, but we will persevere, so just give us time. If you ask me questions about my condition(s) and decide to make my education a team process it will make the world of difference. Beyond all of this, please treat me like everyone else, and we will have an amazing year together!
