October is here, and it's no longer shorts season. You know what we thick thighed ladies have to say about that? FINALLY.
Having curves is a blessing and a curse. Some days, you look in the mirror and think, "Damn girl, you look good." Other times? Not so much.
Truth be told, no girl out there is 100 percent happy with her body. There are things we all wish we could change about ourselves (queue Selena Gomez's song "Who Says"), but to all my ladies out there who feel me on the thick thigh struggle — I'm with you. Let's take a minute to bask in the joys of our thunder thighs.
1. Chub Rub
Ah, yes. Beautiful summer time. The sun is shining, the air outside is warm, and my thighs are having a contest to see which one can chafe the most in the least amount of time. While other girls are excited to buy new pairs of shorts, I'm contemplating the pros and cons of staying in yoga pants all summer long. Ok, so I might be sweating profusely, but don't look at me like that. My thighs are happier than you, and they've finally stopped fighting.
2. The Dreaded Ripped Yoga Pants
Speaking of yoga pants — did the pair you just spent $40 on three weeks ago start ripping at the seams where your thighs are the biggest? Because mine did. Looks like I'm going back to Victorias Secret to spend another fortune, just to have them rip in the same exact place...again. Was that the 57th or the 58th pair you just tossed in the garbage? It doesn't matter. "I'll never meet anyone like you," you say, tears rolling down your face.
3. What The Heck Is My Jean Size?
Some of us with thick thighs were blessed with having a big butt to even things out, but others — like myself — got lucky up top instead. Jeans are a thick chick's worst nightmare. How do you find a decent pair that fits over your waist, your butt, and your legs when your thighs require a whole size up by themselves? You find yourself pulling on a pair that looks like it fits, but after nearly splitting them over your thighs, you realize they're too big on your waist and too small for your legs. "Screw jeans. They're too expensive anyways," you say, throwing the jeans back and sprinting faster than Usain Bolt to Victoria's Secret for another outrageously priced pair of yogas.
4. Anyone Order Cottage Cheese?
Ok, so being curvy might be great at times, but when dealing with thick thighs, you will always be dealing with cellulite. Unfortunately, to get rid of that lovely ripply effect on our legs, we have to lose quite a bit of fat in that area...and even once we do that, there's still bound to be some cottage cheese leftover for tomorrow's lunch. Mmmm. Isn't being a girl fun?
5. Please Don't Make Me Sit Down
For the love of all things cottage cheese, I didn't order a side of pancakes. It's the one night of the year when you decide to man up and put on a pair of shorts to go out with your friends, and your girls keep asking you what the hell you're staring at down there. "We haven't seen your face in an hour," your friend says, concerned. "Sorry, guys," you apologize, "I'm just admiring how closely my thighs resemble large buttermilk pancakes right now." You start to wonder if they'll ever morph back into their normal "standing up" size. Will they be stuck like this forever? You catch the cute guy at the bar eyeing you, and you immediately start to question if he's really into you or if he's in awe at the amount of leg spilling over your chair.
On a serious note, ladies, hating your body isn't the way to go. It's always good to be able to laugh at yourself and your perfect flaws, but let's not forget to love ourselves and the rockin' curves we were given. After all, thick thighs save lives, right?
