Ghosting:
Verb - an unofficial term describing the act of never communicating in any way, shape, or form with a prior boo thang, friend, etc.
It has come to my attention recently that I am a master of what we now know as Ghosting. Apparently, we make up words for everything or just redefine old ones. I hadn't given the term or act much thought until I started to see it on my Twitter feed. #ghosted #byefelicia But I think that's kind of the reason I have no trouble ghosting people. And since I'm sort of a pro I feel that I should share my method. So here's how to ghost the asshole who totally lied about having a goldfish in his room or about you being the prettiest girl he knows or the best he's ever had. And here's to the friends who chose other relationships over yours or ate your sucker then Snapchatted about it or worse, hit up your year-long nerdy AF crush from another school. It's fine. everything's fine.
Step 1: Do not think of this as the end of all contact with the person.
In fact, just don't think about it at all. Don't think about them and especially don't think about why you are doing this in the first place.
Step 2: When they text you, delete the thread immediately and walk away from your phone.
You'll probably forget long enough for it to be too late to respond.
Step 3: When they ask your friend if you're still alive and your friend comes running straight to you, RUN.
They'll say "You'll never guess who I ran into/talked to/ vomited on at the bar last night!"
And you'll think Oh my gosh she ran into Josh! How is he? Probably still cute as ever! ugh. I should hit him up. What if he was with someone else. I MUST KNOW.
But instead you'll run, avoid the situation and eventually forget about it, him, and all the stupid things you did because he was so cute.
Step 4: Don't talk about it.
Don't tell your friends that you are never talking to him again. Basically, just pretend he never existed because his part in your life was so insignificant.
Step 5: Last but not least, find someone new.
Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but there are billions of people out there and like half of them are on Tinder. It is really not hard to find a rebound. If you need to ghost the rebound, just find another. No big deal. Eventually, you'll find a prince (or not) if that's not what you're looking for.
All in all, I'd say despite the pointless coining of a new term from a recycled word, this process has served me well over the years. Example A: As mentioned in my previous article about dating in your 20's, I met a guy who I ended up dating for 4 whole days.
He said "I just don't want to be ghosted" after breaking up with me through a text.
To which I said, "I would never."
Have I spoken to him since? NO. Have I moved on and had a good time with my life since? YES. Have I gone on to ghost more f*ckboys? YES. Maybe my luck is at an all time low with men, but at least I can deal with the duds. And if all else fails, you could always change your number to avoid people. Then, that opens up another can of worms though because you have to resist giving the new one out to the same old losers. But hey, it's fine. Everything's fine.
Happy Ghosting!
