There comes a time in all of our lives where we must spread our wings and fly away from the nest. Unfortunately, we don't always know the accurate speed at which to flap our feathers and end up falling flat on our beaks. This wonderful experience is formally called "adulthood.” From my experience so far, becoming an adult involves avoiding checking your available balance amount like the plague, making your own soup when you’re sick, and wishing you had an adultier adult there when your car starts making weird sounds and you’re convinced it’s going to implode. Here are the various stages you face when you are forced to become a responsible contributor to the human race:
Denial
What? I haven’t done my laundry since the last time I went home? Eh. That was only a week ago. That’s fine. I’ll just spray some Febreeze on these pants. There’re bills to pay? Pft. I have a whole week left until they’re due. Besides, that pair of boots I’ve been eyeballing finally went on sale so I should treat myself. Why? Because I’m worth it. It’ll all be fine!
Anger
Are you freaking kidding me? Why did my electricity shut off? So what if I was a day late? I’m a broke college student. I can’t even afford to feed myself McDonald’s. How do they expect me to pay for Wi-Fi? Mom. Don’t ask me where these new boots came from. That’s none of your concern. We need to focus on the fact that I’m broke and going to die because I don’t have hot water because I can’t afford it.
Bargaining
I will give anything to have a fully stocked fridge at this point. Stick a horse needle into my arm and take all of my plasma. I’ll sell you my Ryan Reynolds poster for $5. You can have my math notes as long as you buy me coffee to numb the pain of being poor. What if I call my mom sobbing because I don’t have money for toilet paper? She’ll have to cave. She loves me. Maybe if I sell a piece of my soul, I’ll be able to afford tuition next semester.
Depression
What’s the use? I should just get used to the fact I’m going to be broke for the rest of my life. Even after I graduate, I’m still not free. I’m going to be buried in student loans until the day my oldest child goes off to college. And then they’re going to call me crying because they have no toilet paper. And then I’ll have to take out a parent-plus loan so my child can survive. What if they want to go to graduate school too? I didn’t ever want to eat anything besides ramen noodles and soda crackers ever again anyway.
Acceptance
I should be grateful for the opportunity I have. I’m going to college, I have a chance to obtain a well-paying job, and I have been exposed to so many new experiences just by being here. While it might be terrible now, it’ll all be worth it in the end. Until then, Mom and Dad will throw you a bone every now and then as long as you smile a lot and remind them how great of people they are. It’ll all be all right.
