Have a high school diploma but don't really know what to do with your life? Been bullied in the past or love bullying others into submission? Are you trigger-happy and do you have disdain for the minorities and the downtrodden? Are you white? Let me tell you why you need to apply to the police academy right now.
1. You get the best drug of choice: Authority.
With the authority bestowed upon you by the United States government and a handgun, you are invincible. You rise above the plebeian citizens and thugs with your blue uniform and mentality rivaling that of an oversized 5th grade bully who hit puberty early. With the drug called authority, you can power trip for years, and with pension upon retirement.
2. You don't need to know a citizen's rights. You ARE the law.
No need to read up on the citizen's rights; they have no rights when they're up against the law: YOU. It doesn't matter when citizens have the right to record you. If you don't like them, take the camera away or threaten to shoot them in the head. That'll teach them.
3. Actually, scratch that. You are above the law.
Do you ever feel bored on duty? Do you sometimes get angry about that time little Johnny took your lunch money in 4th grade? Well, say no more. You can de-stress yourself on innocent citizens. It doesn't matter if your police department banned choke holds. If you want to use it, just use it! Oh no, did it upset people? Just use a different name for it. It wasn't a chokehold, it was a headlock, a "tactical head locking immobilization technique," or a "thug elimination maneuver." The citizens and your superiors will thank you for wiping another thug off the streets.
4. You don't need to master the weapon you are handling. You learned it from Call of Duty already.
No need for trigger discipline, just spray and pray. Accidentally blind yourself from your own flashbang? Just shoot 'em up. The 7-year old asleep on the couch might shoot back at you. There will be no charges as long as you didn't "intend" to cause injury. To the plebeian citizens, they might get jail time due to a crime called "involuntary manslaughter," but you're not just a citizen. You're a police officer of the United States of America.
5. If you ever get in trouble, don't worry.
Did you kill a homeless man with lethal force for no real reason? Did you throw a flashbang into a baby's crib and put the baby in a coma? Don't worry. You will most likely get 2 months of leave with pay and just come back. You have carte blanche. Use it and don't worry about the consequence. The big boys above, the grand jury or the district attorney, got your back. Don't let video evidence and medical examiners hold you back from your reign. Go out there and rule your county like you were destined to.
Ferguson, Eric Garner, Sandra Bland have all caused outbursts in society and the topic of "police brutality" is commonly mentioned. The Police Camera Act that is currently in the works may bring further accountability to the officers and lower the outcries of police brutality. Even with the implementation of cameras, I have doubts about the real effectiveness of the system. It creates too many opportunities where officers might "forget to turn on the camera" or encounter a "computer error" that wipes out footage. A greater transparency of the police force in addition to some kind of oversight may be necessary.
"Justice is subject to dispute; might is easily recognized and is not disputed. So we cannot give might to justice, because might has gainsaid justice, and has declared that it is she herself who is just. And thus being unable to make what is just strong, we have made what is strong just." - Blaise Pascal, Pensées, 1660
