My 5 Principles Of Dating That Make Me Weird

My 5 Principles Of Dating That Make Me Weird

Call me crazy, but I've broken up with society's beliefs about relationships.
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A year ago, I began dating my best friend. It’s been an incredible year, full of a lot of growth. I’ve definitely learned a lot about relationships and communication and love and God. I’ve also learned that my dating principles look a bit weird to the rest of the world. That’s okay. My standards are not based in societal norms. They’re based in something far more powerful, my faith.

Focus on God first. This has become my mantra. God first, always, no matter what. This isn’t just a dating thing, but it plays a huge part in it. If my heart is in the right place, focused on my creator, than my actions will line up with what he wants for my life. His plan is perfect, but I’m not. I want to give into my flesh. I am selfish and proud. My heart loves to wander. It’s been really, really hard to not let my boyfriend become my focus. I love him, don’t get me wrong. I love him a lot. But he can never satisfy me. Our relationship, no matter how great it might be, can never satisfy. He will fail me over and over again, just like I will continually fail him. Because I’m not perfect. But God is, so I’m putting my ultimate trust and love and focus in him.

Dating is for marriage. I am dating my boyfriend because I want to marry him. There’s really no other reason to date someone. Seriously. Dating is purely to find the person you’re going to marry. It’s fun and exciting, sure, but you shouldn’t date for those reasons. You should date to pursue a relationship with someone who you think might be a potential partner through the rest of your life. If you’re dating for any other reason, than you’re setting yourself (and your significant other) up for disappointment and heart ache because you’re building and investing in a relationship you don’t intend to last.

Don’t date someone who doesn’t share your beliefs. 2 Corinthians 6:14 puts it pretty clearly, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” If God is my ultimate focus, how can I be deeply tied to someone who isn’t striving for that same focus? Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived. His focus was on God, but when he yoked himself to many wives who didn’t share his belief system, his heart was swayed. If the wisest man who ever lived was swayed by his relationships, than I know I can be too. Thankfully, my boyfriend is a wonderful man who loves God more than he loves me. Because of that, I know that when I falter in my focus on God, I’m going to have someone to encourage and support me, not drag me further away.

Remain pure. This is a big one that our world doesn’t get. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we set up physical boundaries that we wanted to hold to. We promised each other and God that we would remain virgins until we are married. That, I know, is very contrary to the world’s view on relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in full belief that sex is a great thing, but I’m also in full belief that it’s something meant for marriage, not dating. Sex was created by God to join a husband and wife as one. It’s meant for unity and reproduction, two things that are not intended to occur before marriage. Mark 10:6-9 says “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” It is only after that binding vow of marriage that sex, the two becoming one, is supposed to occur. My boyfriend and I are holding to that, but I know there are many Christians who have not. And that’s okay. It’s not an unforgivable sin. It’s a mistake, but we’re wired to desire that kind of connection. So when our focus isn’t on God, that temptation can take control. There’s forgiveness when we mess up. And thank goodness, because we all mess up.

Divorce is not an option. In the United States, roughly 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. That’s half. Half. That’s a daunting number. But it also reflects a society that has its focus in the wrong place. There are Biblical reasons for divorce, such as abuse and adultery. However, simply calling it quits because of boredom or unhappiness would be selfishly breaking a vow made before God. I’m dating my boyfriend with the intention of marrying him and committing to that. So one day, when I say “I do,” I’m going to mean it. There’s no going back, there’s no re-dos. I’m not taking that vow lightly, so that means I can’t take dating lightly either.

Dating is not easy. It’s certainly a challenging growing experience that has taught me so many things I could never fully explain in one article. Ultimately it has taught me to trust and follow God with all my being for no one but him can fulfill or satisfy. With him as my focus, my guide, my Father, I can face not only the terrifying world of relationships, but also everything else this broken world has to offer.

Cover Image Credit: http://augxxi.com

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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15 Ways To Support Your Military Significant Other

The military is not like any other job.

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15 ways to support your significant other in the military. Being a MILSO is terrifying, lonely, and frustrating. Here are some tips to get by. YOU GOT THIS!

1. Understand that they will be busy

The military is not a 9-5 job with a lunch break. It could be drill or deployment, remember that they are going to be busy. He/she might not be able to call every night, text you, or answer your texts in a timely manner. They are busy, you should stay busy too.

2. The military is not a job, it is a lifestyle 

Unfortunately, you cannot pick and chose when you are a military spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. You are expected to act like a MILSO 24/7. You should support them 24/7 and be a listening ear when needed. Your SO does not have a normal job.

3. Become independent

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You will be away from your military significant other for days, weeks, months, or even a year+. This is overwhelming and exhausting. But think of it as an opportunity for you to gain independence, work on your own dreams, and become the person you want to be!

4. Trust, trust, and more trust

Do not take this one lightly. Being a significant other, in any relationship, means trust. You have to believe that they mean what they say. You have to trust them when they cannot answer your texts or calls. Believe that they are doing is important and you can wait.

5. Prepare for deployment

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Unfortunately, this is a very real side of being a MILSO. You never know where and when they are going to leave or for how long. Welcome to the roller coaster (;

6. Do not date them for the benefits 

The job is done because they love their country and want you to be safe, not for the military pay or benefits. It is not glamorous, or worth it just for the health insurance! Do it because you love them.

7. Become a support system

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Support them every day, through words, actions, and reassurance. This job is not easy. Do not be pushy with details. Let your significant other come to you when they are ready.

8. Lean on other MILSOs

Because nobody says you have to do it alone.

9. They are missing you too

Just because they are busy does not mean they are not missing you. Not only do they not have you, but they also do not have their house, bed, family, or even their own country at times!

10. If you have children, be prepared to become both parents 

I, personally, do not have children. However, growing up in a military family, I had my mother play my father role. It is scary but it is possible. Do not expect to be perfect.

11. Be flexible 

When I first started this journey, I thought, "It is the military, when they said he will be home at 6:00 pm, he will be home EXACTLY 6:00 pm!" I could not have been more wrong. FLEXIBILITY IS KEY!

12. The military isn't closed for the holidays

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They will not be home for every holiday, every birthday, or every plan. Plans are made to be changed. Nobody can control the military or its timing. Be prepared to have Christmas in January.

13. Be proud of them 

What they are doing is not easy. It is scary, stressful, exhausting, and time-consuming. They are doing it because they care. Show how proud you are of them.

14. Hug them...all the time

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Appreciate the time you have together. It means the world to both of you.

15. Send packages, letters, texts, ANYTHING

They are looking forward to what you have to say. After their long day, they want to see your texts and packages. Make their job a little more tolerable.

Good Luck, fellow MILSOs! YOU GOT THIS

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