My 5 Principles Of Dating That Make Me Weird

My 5 Principles Of Dating That Make Me Weird

Call me crazy, but I've broken up with society's beliefs about relationships.
92
views

A year ago, I began dating my best friend. It’s been an incredible year, full of a lot of growth. I’ve definitely learned a lot about relationships and communication and love and God. I’ve also learned that my dating principles look a bit weird to the rest of the world. That’s okay. My standards are not based in societal norms. They’re based in something far more powerful, my faith.

Focus on God first. This has become my mantra. God first, always, no matter what. This isn’t just a dating thing, but it plays a huge part in it. If my heart is in the right place, focused on my creator, than my actions will line up with what he wants for my life. His plan is perfect, but I’m not. I want to give into my flesh. I am selfish and proud. My heart loves to wander. It’s been really, really hard to not let my boyfriend become my focus. I love him, don’t get me wrong. I love him a lot. But he can never satisfy me. Our relationship, no matter how great it might be, can never satisfy. He will fail me over and over again, just like I will continually fail him. Because I’m not perfect. But God is, so I’m putting my ultimate trust and love and focus in him.

Dating is for marriage. I am dating my boyfriend because I want to marry him. There’s really no other reason to date someone. Seriously. Dating is purely to find the person you’re going to marry. It’s fun and exciting, sure, but you shouldn’t date for those reasons. You should date to pursue a relationship with someone who you think might be a potential partner through the rest of your life. If you’re dating for any other reason, than you’re setting yourself (and your significant other) up for disappointment and heart ache because you’re building and investing in a relationship you don’t intend to last.

Don’t date someone who doesn’t share your beliefs. 2 Corinthians 6:14 puts it pretty clearly, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” If God is my ultimate focus, how can I be deeply tied to someone who isn’t striving for that same focus? Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived. His focus was on God, but when he yoked himself to many wives who didn’t share his belief system, his heart was swayed. If the wisest man who ever lived was swayed by his relationships, than I know I can be too. Thankfully, my boyfriend is a wonderful man who loves God more than he loves me. Because of that, I know that when I falter in my focus on God, I’m going to have someone to encourage and support me, not drag me further away.

Remain pure. This is a big one that our world doesn’t get. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we set up physical boundaries that we wanted to hold to. We promised each other and God that we would remain virgins until we are married. That, I know, is very contrary to the world’s view on relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I’m in full belief that sex is a great thing, but I’m also in full belief that it’s something meant for marriage, not dating. Sex was created by God to join a husband and wife as one. It’s meant for unity and reproduction, two things that are not intended to occur before marriage. Mark 10:6-9 says “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” It is only after that binding vow of marriage that sex, the two becoming one, is supposed to occur. My boyfriend and I are holding to that, but I know there are many Christians who have not. And that’s okay. It’s not an unforgivable sin. It’s a mistake, but we’re wired to desire that kind of connection. So when our focus isn’t on God, that temptation can take control. There’s forgiveness when we mess up. And thank goodness, because we all mess up.

Divorce is not an option. In the United States, roughly 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. That’s half. Half. That’s a daunting number. But it also reflects a society that has its focus in the wrong place. There are Biblical reasons for divorce, such as abuse and adultery. However, simply calling it quits because of boredom or unhappiness would be selfishly breaking a vow made before God. I’m dating my boyfriend with the intention of marrying him and committing to that. So one day, when I say “I do,” I’m going to mean it. There’s no going back, there’s no re-dos. I’m not taking that vow lightly, so that means I can’t take dating lightly either.

Dating is not easy. It’s certainly a challenging growing experience that has taught me so many things I could never fully explain in one article. Ultimately it has taught me to trust and follow God with all my being for no one but him can fulfill or satisfy. With him as my focus, my guide, my Father, I can face not only the terrifying world of relationships, but also everything else this broken world has to offer.

Cover Image Credit: http://augxxi.com

Popular Right Now

I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

858229
views

Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To The Friend I Rarely See Anymore

I wish you nothing but the best.

782
views

When we graduated high school, we thought it was the end for us. The distance would ruin us and we wouldn't be able to call ourselves friends. Thankfully, you were my rock for the first year of school. You were the one I turned to when the adjustment was hard or when I needed someone to talk to and just listen. We never lost our connection for a whole year. We proved that nothing could pull us apart no matter how far the distance, no matter the different schedules. We were still best friends.

Another summer came and we only got stronger. We went on countless beach trips, late night hangouts, and Starbucks runs. I didn't even think it was possible to be this much closer to you than we already were. If we weren't together, we would Snapchat or text to never stop the conversation.

Now summer ended, we didn't think twice about losing our connection this time. We had a bond stronger than anyone could fathom. We once again went our separate ways and kept our texting and Snapchat habits.

But something changed.

It must've been the comfort level of sophomore year. It must've been all the new friends we got. It must have been the boys who entered our lives. We don't speak anymore. I haven't seen you since winter break. I haven't texted you since New Year's Eve. Our connection, one that was once thought to be indestructible, came crumbling down with sophomore year. I am not going to lie, sophomore year was the best of my life, but I knew you were missing the whole time. It wasn't the same without you.

I'm not upset you chose to focus your time and life on your new boyfriend. I am happy for you. I am not upset you spend more time with your school friends. I am happy for you. I am not upset you don't text me anymore and killed our streak. I know you're living a happy life. And I am too.

We may have gone our separate ways like we never imagined, but I am happy you are finally happy. Don't forget for one second that I will always be here for you. I will still always answer your text. I will still always be your shoulder to cry on even when no one else is there for you. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope you're doing ok.

Related Content

Facebook Comments