When I was in high school, I longed and longed for the future. Don’t get me wrong, I adored my high school experience and to this day, some of my best friendships were made during those years. But through all the great times, I longed to experience adulthood, or what I thought adulthood was supposed to be. It all looked so glamorous: having my own apartment, no longer being in school five days a week, all-day-every-day, ditching the Catholic school uniform and being able to dress super fashionable, brunching on Sundays with girlfriends in a big, new city and finally having a delicious glass of red wine at a candle light dinner with the ultimate dream guy. All of those things is what makes up adulthood, right? Insert eye-roll at my high school freshman naivety.

Well, I’ve been out of high school just about three years now, and let me tell you, entering the world of true adulthood is so much more frightening than I ever expected. While I’m jumping around with joy a lot, there are also a ton of moments where I plop down on the floor, staring at the ceiling wondering “Why the hell was I in such a rush to grow up?” And here’s why:

1. Moving out of your parents' house

The day my parents and I loaded a Suburban full of all of my things and headed to St. Louis to move me into my freshman dorm, was one of the most thrilling moments of my life. But after they got me all settled in and finally left me there, all alone, it felt so strange. Where is mom? Where is dad? Who is going to make my dinner? Who is going to come check on me when it’s a blasting thunderstorm outside? Not them anymore. It began to dawn on me that the days of me living under my parent’s roof is pretty much over. That’s a scary thought.

2. Saying goodbye to the dorms and moving into your own apartment

This past weekend I moved into my very first apartment. Mom came up and helped me get super organized and decorate and furnish my little place, and of course, it was one of the best moments of my life. But then it hit me, I no longer have a meal plan courtesy of my university—and Chick-fil-A every night isn’t going to cut it, no matter how delicious it is.

It’s also scary to think that I have my very own washing machine and I get excited to fold clothes and try new detergents. And let me tell you, doing the dishes actually makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something real big. Could it be? Am I actually blossoming into a real, live, responsible adult? Seeing this change in me is frightening!

3. Getting your first real job

I’ve started my internship for the summer working at a popular, local magazine. Everyday I get up early, make my morning cup of tea, take a shower, pick out a stellar outfit and pair it with heels. The mere fact that I am working in a setting where the normal trend is for every woman to wear heels is scary. I guess in a way this is the real deal, this isn’t a side job to get by with some extra cash. Rather, I’m working hard for the career I want in the future.

It’s also frightening that on a Thursday night I’m declining offers to go out to happy hour margarita night all because I have an early day at work the next morning. #whatthe****?!

4. Falling in love

In high school I dated a few guys, but I knew the dating wasn’t going anywhere—unless landing a date for homecomings and proms counts as “going somewhere.” I just never experienced deep connections with any of the guys I dated in high school because I wasn’t really ready to feel those emotions yet. So I didn’t. But that all changed when I got to college.

A few months into my freshman year of college, I met this amazing guy—he was charming, smart, funny and such a gentleman. He still is all of those things, given that we have been together for almost two and a half years now. Falling in love has been magical and such a blessing, but it’s also a little frightening. Rather than this relationship just leading to prom, it is leading somewhere so much bigger and better, and that thought, no matter how exciting and thrilling, is 100% scary. And I would just like to add that I’m going to be a bridesmaid in one of my best friends weddings this coming fall. When the heck did this happen that my friends are getting engaged?!

It's a strange new world that is a lot scarier than I could have ever expected. But honestly, it's one of the most exciting times of life in my opinion. I've found my voice, and I'm living out a good handful of all of my goals and dreams at this stage in life, and for that, I'm extremely grateful. #keeponadulting!