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36 Thoughts You Have When You Are Overdramatically Sick

See all your classmates again, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. Since I am struggling to remain alive through my lack of ability to breathe through my congestion, I’d have to politely disagree.

Karlee Onstad

Oct 08, 2017

University of Minnesota Twin Cities

178

36 Thoughts You Have When You Are Overdramatically Sick

Ron Swanson Quotes

No matter how often you wash your hands, eat your vitamins, and actively avoid infected people- you WILL become sick. The season of “back-to-school-illness” is upon us. As you curse at your immune system and drink your tea, here are a few of the many thoughts that you have throughout the day when you are dreadfully sick.

1. I am dead. It has happened. I have awoken to my death.

2. Why can’t I taste my breakfast? Is this eggs or oatmeal or toast? Are my taste buds broken?!

3. I look like Rudolph. I could guide my class to safety if the lights went out in my lecture.

4. OH MY GOSH why do the outdoors make my nose run like a faucet?!

5. No, I do not have to pee, but I am going to use this stall as my sniffle station.

6. Why did I not bring cough drops. Is my throat the Sahara Desert?

7. I would like to formally apologize to everyone in my vicinity for the obnoxious sniffles. I’d stop, if only I could.

8. Where do I put my used Kleenex when I am in the middle of a 130 person class?

9. Wait, did that person just talk to me?! I’m not actually trying to ignore you, but I really can’t hear anything.

10. Be strong eyelids! Remain. Open.

11. Could someone catch my nose… it keeps running…

12. I look tired? Thanks, I got up 47 times to blow my nose last night, so yeah, I am a little exhausted.

13. I forgot what it feels like to breathe normally. Will I ever breathe normally again?!

14. And now I am concentrating too hard on breathing, that if I stop thinking about, I might forget to breathe, you feel?

15. Sorry, I’m just going to cough for five minutes straight real quick.

16. Hello strangers, do not be alarmed by the ghost (me) moping around campus.

17. Brb while I pass out from walking up only one flight of stairs.

18. Purposefully wears a long sleeve for emergency runny nose wipes

19. I miss the ability to smell.

20. My nose is actually the color of my apple...

21. IF I could even taste my apple!

22. Why did I not get a flu shot? I have regrets. If I get one now, will it magically heal me?

23. No, Darth Vadar is not in the room, that is just little old me breathing. I bet Darth Vadar never got this sick.

24. I want a nap.

25. Is it acceptable to go to bed at 8:30 p.m.?

26. Hey! New record- seven minutes straight of coughing. Go me!

27. My head has gained 12 pounds.

28. Can your head actually gain weight?

29. OMG I can taste my soup! Best. Soup. Ever.

30. My taste buds have returned. Bless their strong souls.

31. Can you overdose on vitamin C?

32. What actually is vitamin C?

33. Shots of NyQuil, turning up on a Tuesday!

34. And a new box of Kleenexes! I spoil myself.

35. 8:23 p.m. Goodnight world.

36. Just kidding, I am actually going to lay here for three hours in misery.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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36 Thoughts You Have When You Are Overdramatically Sick

See all your classmates again, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. Since I am struggling to remain alive through my lack of ability to breathe through my congestion, I’d have to politely disagree.

1. I am dead. It has happened. I have awoken to my death.

2. Why can’t I taste my breakfast? Is this eggs or oatmeal or toast? Are my taste buds broken?!

3. I look like Rudolph. I could guide my class to safety if the lights went out in my lecture.

4. OH MY GOSH why do the outdoors make my nose run like a faucet?!

5. No, I do not have to pee, but I am going to use this stall as my sniffle station.

6. Why did I not bring cough drops. Is my throat the Sahara Desert?

7. I would like to formally apologize to everyone in my vicinity for the obnoxious sniffles. I’d stop, if only I could.

8. Where do I put my used Kleenex when I am in the middle of a 130 person class?

9. Wait, did that person just talk to me?! I’m not actually trying to ignore you, but I really can’t hear anything.

10. Be strong eyelids! Remain. Open.

11. Could someone catch my nose… it keeps running…

12. I look tired? Thanks, I got up 47 times to blow my nose last night, so yeah, I am a little exhausted.

13. I forgot what it feels like to breathe normally. Will I ever breathe normally again?!

14. And now I am concentrating too hard on breathing, that if I stop thinking about, I might forget to breathe, you feel?

15. Sorry, I’m just going to cough for five minutes straight real quick.

16. Hello strangers, do not be alarmed by the ghost (me) moping around campus.

17. Brb while I pass out from walking up only one flight of stairs.

18. *Purposefully wears a long sleeve for emergency runny nose wipes*

19. I miss the ability to smell.

20. My nose is actually the color of my apple...

21. IF I could even taste my apple!

22. Why did I not get a flu shot? I have regrets. If I get one now, will it magically heal me?

23. No, Darth Vadar is not in the room, that is just little old me breathing. I bet Darth Vadar never got this sick.

24. I want a nap.

25. Is it acceptable to go to bed at 8:30 p.m.?

26. Hey! New record- seven minutes straight of coughing. Go me!

27. My head has gained 12 pounds.

28. Can your head actually gain weight?

29. OMG I can taste my soup! Best. Soup. Ever.

30. My taste buds have returned. Bless their strong souls.

31. Can you overdose on vitamin C?

32. What actually is vitamin C?

33. Shots of NyQuil, turning up on a Tuesday!

34. And a new box of Kleenexes! I spoil myself.

35. 8:23 p.m. Goodnight world.

36. Just kidding, I am actually going to lay here for three hours in misery.

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There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

18. Purposefully wears a long sleeve for emergency runny nose wipes

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