“Please Alex.” I whined. “just a couple more minutes…it’s only five past eleven and I’ve really missed you.” My boyfriend of four months sighed, raked his hands through his hair and allowed his shoulders to slump. It had been a long day for him and my tantalizing request was draining his resolve, I knew it.
“Katie, I would love to stay but I really need to go home. We made a deal, remember. No visiting past eleven.”
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes then looked up at him. “But that was a month ago and it’s just one night…besides, we’ve made exceptions before.” He slowly plucked his black jacket off its hanger.
“It doesn’t matter how long ago we made the deal Kate or that we’ve already messed it up. I need to go. You already know what happens if I stay.” I brought my hand to my mouth and thought about what he had said.
“But that’s a good reason to stay, don’t you think?”
Alex looked down at the ink he had etched onto his arm earlier that day. They boldly and clearly formed the Hebrew word “pure”.
“Please.” I reached up and placed my hand on his broad shoulder.
He furrowed his brow and looked into my eyes with a serious gaze. “Katie.” That was the last straw, he wasn’t going to bite the lure. It looked like I was going to be cuddling a book for the next hour.
“Fine…” I removed my hand and folded my arm over it. “I’ll see you tomorrow…or the next day.”
“Sounds good.” He smiled weakly. “Sleep well.”
“You too.” I mumbled, feeling ticked but proud of my man. It was just like Alex to do what he just did. It was just like him to stand up for purity, even when I wasn’t willing. God had found a good one for me, that’s for sure, but I really wanted to cuddle and couldn’t wait for the day when we belonged to each other.
Have you ever found yourself in that kind of a situation, longing to do something that you know will lead you down a path you would rather not walk?
I’m positive that every single person has, at some point in their lives, experienced longings of this nature. I also believe that our feelings do not dictate reality and even if our reality is: I am going to die without this person’s arms wrapped around me, it’s not actually true. If I’m honest, a little part of me died every time I allowed Alex and me to go further than we should have physically.
That leads me to the kicker, the big question: why stay pure? As Christ followers, we have died to self and have been called to follow what Jesus did. Because of this, we must listen to God when He says, “don’t do those things.”
In that same train of thought, I find it saddening that in our western culture we have come to think that just because someone tells us not do to something they are infringing on our freedom and are considered a looming, patriarchal-crazed jerk.
I know that I have a good Father who does not want to see me with STD’s or with children who have no Father. God designed us to live life in a holistic full way.
From my experience dating I would like to suggest a couple tips when it comes to staying pure.
- Please make time to be together but do not make that time late at night. Snuggled up together on the couch, feeding one another popcorn and watching a rom com. Nothing and I mean nothing reflecting the lifestyle we have been called to lead comes out of this! Trust me. I have been there on many occasions.
Of course, there will be times when the night is young, our breath smells amazing and our date is looking hot. These will be the times when we question if the situation is okay. I mean, we do have a window in the room.
Hmm… toughy… here’s a complicated but super informative check you can use:
Are friends present who are willing to keep us away from each other? No…
Are we the only ones in this room? Yes…
Are we cuddled up to one another? Yes…
Should you do it? Let’s see…
Calculating your answer…. A resounding no! As my friend Lecare is famous for saying, “don’t do it.”
- Pray for and seek out an accountability partner. No. Before you get angry that this is way too Christenese, let me explain a little more as to what characteristics you should look for in this partner. They need to be someone who will make a point to check up on you or even someone who is willing to start charging you funds every time you decide to take it a little too far with your beau. I have a friend whose sister would charge her $30 and a brother in law who would charge her man $200 for going past their boundaries. Wowsa, that kind of money made them think twice, that’s for sure! Ultimately, this benefitted them greatly and kept them from falling into patterns they would regret later on.
- Don’t shy away from God. If you have slipped, keep going back to Him. Ask Him for strength, wisdom, and guidance. If you haven’t slipped, continue to keep the fire burning between the two of you as this is not only important for dating life but for life as a married person one day.
- Get to know Love personally and intimately. A relationship with God as number one is always the most satisfying. He is true Love and will never fail you. Understanding this while dating is big. Believing this while married is huge. The truth and realization keeps a person afloat when life with the spouse isn’t coming along so swimmingly. Trust me, I know.
I strongly urge you to get to know Him, the Maker of you, better. Spend time with Him in the morning, read His word, ask for strength but know that ultimately you have been given the choice to act in whatever way you find is best. You have the ability to do things that will either help or hinder your relationship with the person you love and the God who will never stop loving you.
Please choose wisely…and enjoy the journey ahead of you.
