Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Swoon

I'm Finally OK With Being Single, And You Should Be Too

Men aren't allowed to define my happiness.

Jenna Salemie

Dec 13, 2019

Missouri State University

186

I'm Finally OK With Being Single, And You Should Be Too

Roberto Nickson from Pexels

For the longest time, I let boys control every aspect of my life. All my emotions stemmed from how they treated me. My self-esteem was measured by their standards. My happiness and joy were stolen from me, time and time again. There comes a point in time where enough is enough.

Today is the day I proudly say I love myself for who I am. I don't need a man to complete my life. Here are some of the reasons I'm OK with being single:

My self-esteem was torn down in past relationships.

Every single relationship I have been in ended in him cheating on me. From my perspective, it hurt, and it hurt pretty badly too. While dating, they would always pull the "you're the one... I love you... I won't ever leave you" type of crap. Two weeks later I would find out they had been cheating the whole time. Now I'm not saying this is true for all men and all relationships, that's just my experience. Every relationship left me broken and more closed off to men. It left me scared and insecure.

Toxic relationships are emotionally draining.

Having a boyfriend meant having to be perfect for them. I spent so much time doing my makeup and picking out outfits. I had to let them know everywhere I went and if I was hanging out with another guy. I got tired of giving them 110 percent and having them not give anything in return. Relationships are a two-way street where both people should be giving their all.

Dating is expensive.

Let me tell you... I spent so. much. money. in my last relationship. He lived 40 minutes away, didn't have a job, and didn't have a car. That meant I drove everywhere and bought everything. To make matters worse, I live 45 minutes away from my college, Missouri State University, so I commute every day. I would drive 45 miles north to school and back, and then 85 miles south down and back. I spent at least 3 hours in my car every other day. Seems kind of tiring right? It was. It seemed like I was buying gas every other day. Not fun.

I have more free time.

Relationships are a big commitment. I was always spending time with the people I dated and I barely had time for anything else. It got so bad that it affected my grades because I had no time to study.

I am finally able to love myself.

I got so caught up in pleasing my boyfriend that I forgot about myself. I would go all out and pamper him and make him so happy, while on the inside I was longing for attention. I had wasted my time and energy giving someone else the care that I deserved. You should never have to stop taking care of yourself in order to make a guy happy, your well being is much more important. Take care of yourself and never forget who you are. Wear your crown high.

My own wants and needs are now a main priority.

By the end of my relationships, I was a completely different person. This isn't OK. Whoever you call yours should love you for who you are and not try to change who you are. Yes, you should sharpen each other and grow, but he shouldn't tell you how to dress or how to act. I failed with this. My personality completely changed and I started dressing differently in hopes of appealing to guys. Turns out it wasn't worth it in the end anyway.

I have more time for friends and family.

I spent so much time focused on my boyfriend that I forgot about the people who meant the most to me. When one of my friends would ask to hang out, I would have to say no. When my family wanted to go out for dinner, I would have to say no. I felt as if I was on a chain, bound to him, not able to be free and hang out with other people.

I can focus on God again.

I hate to talk about this and admit it, but I definitely grew apart from my spiritual life when I was in a relationship. I stopped reading my Bible, stopped doing my devotionals, and stopped going to small group. I also didn't feel comfortable sharing my faith with my previous boyfriends. This should never be a problem though. Find a man who respects what you believe and will either participate or support you. He shouldn't take away from your personal life.

I finally realized that it is OK to take a break from guys and focus on myself. I am glad that I did, too. Now that I have had time to myself, my self-esteem is growing and I can see myself radiating more.

Sometimes it's OK to find yourself in the messiness of life. I just want you to know that a man should never control you and steal your joy. You don't settle for anything but the best. And when you do find the best, you make sure he treats you like a queen and doesn't let you forget how special you are.

But for now, go out and party with all your girlfriends — have fun! Never forget how loved and special you are, ladies.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

single life

Report this Content

Entertainment

25 Beatles Lyrics: Your Go-To Guide for Every Situation

The Best Lines from the Fab Four

SUNY Binghamton

43533

Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less

best beatles lyrics

Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Smith College

107483

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

waitlisted

Recommended for you

I'm Finally OK With Being Single, And You Should Be Too

Men aren't allowed to define my happiness.

My self-esteem was torn down in past relationships.

Toxic relationships are emotionally draining.

Dating is expensive.

I have more free time.

I am finally able to love myself.

My own wants and needs are now a main priority.

I have more time for friends and family.

I can focus on God again.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

Trending Topics

Top Creators

Trending Stories

Best of Swoon

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments

Subscribe to our
Newsletter