For the longest time, I let boys control every aspect of my life. All my emotions stemmed from how they treated me. My self-esteem was measured by their standards. My happiness and joy were stolen from me, time and time again. There comes a point in time where enough is enough.
Today is the day I proudly say I love myself for who I am. I don't need a man to complete my life. Here are some of the reasons I'm OK with being single:
My self-esteem was torn down in past relationships.
Every single relationship I have been in ended in him cheating on me. From my perspective, it hurt, and it hurt pretty badly too. While dating, they would always pull the "you're the one... I love you... I won't ever leave you" type of crap. Two weeks later I would find out they had been cheating the whole time. Now I'm not saying this is true for all men and all relationships, that's just my experience. Every relationship left me broken and more closed off to men. It left me scared and insecure.
Toxic relationships are emotionally draining.
Having a boyfriend meant having to be perfect for them. I spent so much time doing my makeup and picking out outfits. I had to let them know everywhere I went and if I was hanging out with another guy. I got tired of giving them 110 percent and having them not give anything in return. Relationships are a two-way street where both people should be giving their all.
Dating is expensive.
Let me tell you... I spent so. much. money. in my last relationship. He lived 40 minutes away, didn't have a job, and didn't have a car. That meant I drove everywhere and bought everything. To make matters worse, I live 45 minutes away from my college, Missouri State University, so I commute every day. I would drive 45 miles north to school and back, and then 85 miles south down and back. I spent at least 3 hours in my car every other day. Seems kind of tiring right? It was. It seemed like I was buying gas every other day. Not fun.
I have more free time.
Relationships are a big commitment. I was always spending time with the people I dated and I barely had time for anything else. It got so bad that it affected my grades because I had no time to study.
I am finally able to love myself.
I got so caught up in pleasing my boyfriend that I forgot about myself. I would go all out and pamper him and make him so happy, while on the inside I was longing for attention. I had wasted my time and energy giving someone else the care that I deserved. You should never have to stop taking care of yourself in order to make a guy happy, your well being is much more important. Take care of yourself and never forget who you are. Wear your crown high.
My own wants and needs are now a main priority.
By the end of my relationships, I was a completely different person. This isn't OK. Whoever you call yours should love you for who you are and not try to change who you are. Yes, you should sharpen each other and grow, but he shouldn't tell you how to dress or how to act. I failed with this. My personality completely changed and I started dressing differently in hopes of appealing to guys. Turns out it wasn't worth it in the end anyway.
I have more time for friends and family.
I spent so much time focused on my boyfriend that I forgot about the people who meant the most to me. When one of my friends would ask to hang out, I would have to say no. When my family wanted to go out for dinner, I would have to say no. I felt as if I was on a chain, bound to him, not able to be free and hang out with other people.
I can focus on God again.
I hate to talk about this and admit it, but I definitely grew apart from my spiritual life when I was in a relationship. I stopped reading my Bible, stopped doing my devotionals, and stopped going to small group. I also didn't feel comfortable sharing my faith with my previous boyfriends. This should never be a problem though. Find a man who respects what you believe and will either participate or support you. He shouldn't take away from your personal life.
I finally realized that it is OK to take a break from guys and focus on myself. I am glad that I did, too. Now that I have had time to myself, my self-esteem is growing and I can see myself radiating more.
Sometimes it's OK to find yourself in the messiness of life. I just want you to know that a man should never control you and steal your joy. You don't settle for anything but the best. And when you do find the best, you make sure he treats you like a queen and doesn't let you forget how special you are.
But for now, go out and party with all your girlfriends — have fun! Never forget how loved and special you are, ladies.
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