By textbook definition, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is characterized by persistent, excessive, and unrealistic worry about everyday things. By my definition, generalized anxiety disorder is the reason that I carry out my days with a constant worry buzzing in the back of my mind. A little over three percent of United States citizens suffer from GAD and, unfortunately, no two cases are the same. Having a close relationship with someone with an anxiety disorder can often be complex. Here are three things that people who suffer from anxiety want you to know:
1. I get nervous that you’re angry at me, even when it isn’t logical. Just be patient with me, know that it isn’t your fault, and reassure me.
“Hey, are you mad at me?” Anyone who knows me well is familiar with this question. The truth is, I know that you probably aren’t angry with me and I know that I haven’t done anything wrong, but a large part of anxiety is irrationality. Whenever I ask questions such as these I am only seeking to reassure myself that no problems have arisen in our relationship and keep myself calm and collected. I want to make sure that there are no issues between you and I and quickly dissolve any issues that have arisen. People who suffer from general anxiety disorder sometimes feel tension that doesn’t exist and are simply hoping to rid themselves of such tension by ensuring that all feelings are positive ones.
2. Stress is not only common, but expected. Just help me get through it.
I’m always stressing about something. When something goes wrong in my life, be it a small problem or one of vast importance, it’s impossible to stop thinking about it. I can’t simply push the problem from my mind and focus on something else, as much as I wish that I could. The most reassuring thing that a person who suffers from anxiety can hear is, “I know that this is causing you to stress out and I know that there isn’t much that I can do about it, however I will be here for you to help in any way that I can.” We want to know that you’re here for us, not that the problem causing us discomfort isn’t important. We know that our fears are often irrational. We stress anyway.
3. While anxiety is a large part of who I am, there is so much more substance to me than my illness. I am not my anxiety and, with your love and support, I never will be.
There are days when I am able to walk out into the world and say, "Look! Here I am! What a beautiful day!" Those days are the best days. If my anxiety is a shout, it becomes nothing more than a whisper on those exciting, wonderful days. My name isn't Anxious Tori or Tori With The Anxiety, it's just Tori. I've come so much farther than I ever thought my anxiety would permit me to go. This indicates to me that anxiety is not (and never will be) a constraint on my goals and what I want to accomplish in life. My anxiety is simply a frightening voice that lives in my mind and tells me that I cannot, that I am wrong, and that I do not belong. Luckily, on the good days, the voice doesn't seem so scary. I am able to look introspectively and realize that the world is beautiful and, for some reason, I do belong in it. From those with anxiety to those who have been by our sides all these years: thank you. You've impacted us more than you'll ever know.
Be patient. Be kind. Be accepting. That's all we ask.
