The music starts, the doors open, she walks to him, he awaits and “they do”. To what? What did they just agree on? Most of them did to Hollywood-like (first 30 minutes of "The Stepford Wives" to be precise) perfect marriage. I don’t want to, lack of better words, pee on your parade, nor do I want to ridicule the holiness of the union, but I would like to invite you to look at what is presumed of marriage from a different angle.
It is not forever
Associating diamond with marriage is utterly a wishful thinking. That rock does not need an upkeep, preservation, and solace, but your marriage does. Lack of maintenance in a marriage paves a road for you to become a number in the statistics of ephemeral ones. The fact is that disintegration of the marriage starts at the moment when you think the marriage is the next and last step, or even worse; proclaimed deed of ownership, for one another. This mindset subconsciously leads couples to take each other for granted. Moreover, it eases the fear of loosing someone to a point that he/she is dispensable. Let me tell you, the authors of your childhood stories took the easy route by writing pages of romance and finishing them with one line, “they lived happily ever after” to put you to a peaceful sleep. Because of them, your shrink had to take it over when you woke up. So, before spending most of your life savings on a princess-cut piece of crystalline carbon, ask yourself if you have what it takes to keeps things glistening.
It is not a Fairytale
Nope, it is not perfect. If you say “I do” thinking you will unlock the door of Narnia, let me tell you, your car will turn into a pumpkin and your friends into mice before the wedding ends. Marriage is continuing what you have already been going through whether it is disagreements and complications or compatibility and consistency. In other words, there will not be a fairy godmother with a wand granting your wishes just because you put a hoop on your finger. Also, just because his/her name is written on the same page, it doesn’t mean you are inseparable. If you don’t keep up with the magic, there is another character in the corner who is willing to turn your peasant into princess/frog into the prince just like you did before. So, before sending out invitations rehearse your story hitherto.
It is not an Orthodox Business Agreement
A continuous “trade of unequal values” is what it really is. In other words, it is a quid pro quo of giving up on something that is less valuable to you, and getting what is more valuable to you and vice versa. It is that simple. Is it not? Let me explain from scratch. Nobody is the same (duh?) therefore, what are crucial, essential and imperative for one partner may not be the same for the other. So capitulating what is less important for one side in exchange for happiness is a trade of unequal values. Let me give you an example: you want to buy a house, he/she wants it in a particular area which means you will have to commute more but don’t mind as long as the house has the third bedroom for your office. Here you go, you had a trade of unequal values. But for this reciprocal relationship to work, you should not be itemizing what you gave up and victimizing yourself every time there is a conflict.
Nonetheless, there are many great things about marriage. It is finding your best friend, lover and a teacher within the same person; it is working towards the same goal with a great support and it is a companionship through good and bad. But before you decide on it just because your age, status, partner, family, etc. are persuading/pressuring you to do so, question your knowledge and capabilities first.
Marriage is a precious stone prone to diminish when relinquished, an asset susceptible to depreciate when neglected and it is a story that starts after “I do” where the prince and the princess need to choose each other every day in the kingdom of uncertainties.
