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22 Funny Things I've Heard Kids Say

A lesson in laughs around the swimming pool.

Michaela Mayhew
Jul 14, 2015
University of Nevada, Reno
53
22 Funny Things I've Heard Kids Say
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I’ve had the privilege of coaching kids on a recreational swim team for eight years now and I've learned to appreciate that they have no filter. When something pops into their mind, they come right out and say it, regardless of how it sounds out loud. When they don’t know how to say something, they make up a word and expect you to understand what they mean. Here are 22 of the funniest things I’ve heard kids say or ask me this summer.

1. "I say pretend things a lot so I don't get in trouble anymore."

2. "I want to change when my birthday is. It keeps taking too long."

3. "I saw a frog that looked like my little brother in the grass."

4. "I don’t ever want to get married. My bed is too small to share with a girl."

5. "My mom told me all the dinosaurs are dead, but I saw one in a movie last night."

6. "After I swim, it is minivan time! My mom likes to race the other cars."

7. "I drew you this picture. I don’t know what it is. I just scribbled because I know you’d like it."

8. "Help me, Coach, I’m drowning! Just kidding, I already know how to swim."

9. "I don’t know how to kick, so I’m just going to skip that part during my race."

10. "I got a haircut this weekend because my dad wants me to be bald like him!"

11. "I don’t need to breathe when I’m swimming. I can hold my breath a really long time. I have a brother who smells."

12. "You can go home. I don’t want to learn today."

13. "It’s too cold in the pool to talk today."

14. "I can make bubbles under water with my butt."

15. "I need to be faster because I can’t be the boss of you if I’m slow."

16. "I need to look forward when I dive in so I don’t miss the pool."

17. "I don’t have to sleep with any boys tomorrow! I get to go to Girl Scout camp!"

18. "My kicks are so strong I could probably fight a tornado."

19. "Can I have a different coach? You say 'no' too much."

20. "My name’s Batman! Just kidding, he’s much taller!"

21. "If I swim any faster, I’ll crash through the wall!"

22. "Tomorrow I get to fly on an airplane to another country. I'm going with my mom and dad to visit my grandma. She lives in the Texas country."

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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