I cannot pinpoint when I had my first anxiety, but I remember the emotions that I felt. I was confused as to why my legs and hands were shaking. I was scared because my chest was tight and I lost the ability to breathe. The cold sweat that took over my entire body was paralyzing and my heart would not stop beating.

I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Being diagnosed at a young age allowed me to be informed and understand what anxiety is. But no words or definition could prepare me for when I had to stop in the middle of a crowd because I was having an anxiety attack. There were moments where my chest tightened and my knees buckled from shaking too much. Anxiety is not something that I talk about, not due to fear or shame. Instead, I do not talk about it, because if I do not discuss it maybe it will go away. The worst part about that mindset is that I know that it will never go away.

I may start shaking without any trigger or warning. I can feel my chest tighten and I am incapable of doing anything, but to hope and pray it will stop. Despite my diagnosis years ago, there are moments where I like to pretend I am fine. That I do not suffer from this thing that cripples me at times from living my life. Inhibiting my rib cage and hands from doing the functions that I know they can do.

I developed a routine to pretend like I was fine and that I did not have anything wrong with me. I would straighten my hair, put on makeup, and wear a dress. I thought if I looked put together, that maybe I would be put together on the inside. People who do not suffer from anxiety will use it as a verb. If they are nervous for an exam or stressed out because of a friend, they will say “you are giving me anxiety”. But, people who suffer from anxiety know that every attack may not be associated with a trigger. You can be sleeping and you will wake up in a cold sweat, shaking all over your body, and your chest will not allow you to breathe. Your body is in "flight or fight" mode, but you do not need to be alert. There is no present danger to you, instead, the only danger is your anxiety.

Anxiety attacks can occur anytime and anywhere, so here are 20 places where I suffered anxiety attacks. Some of them were due to a trigger, but some of them occurred due to no trigger at all. I hope after reading this someone who previously underestimated or misjudged anxiety will understand. To comprehend that it is something you have to deal with every day, with some days being fine and others being unbearable. The strength to put on a brave face and deal with your day is what so many people with anxiety do every single day.

1. The floor of a public bathroom

2. Forever 21’s dressing room

3. Standing in line at Dunkin' Donuts

4. The baked goods aisle in the supermarket

5. Beach during my senior cut day

6. Senior prom

7. A friend’s sweet 16

8. At a park on the swings

9. Library

10. My bed when I was sleeping

11. My best friend’s graduation party

12. High school cafeteria

13. On the N6 bus

14. The middle of Fifth Avenue

15. My grandmother’s kitchen when we were cooking

16. Church

17. Sidewalk while I was walking home from school

18. The inside of an elevator

19. Rite Aid’s supply section

20. In the shower