I've been hit by the plague.
OK. It's not that severe, but I feel like I'm dying, and there's an ungodly amount of Pepto-Bismol and saltine crackers running through my body right now. My mouth tastes like a rat crawled in there and died, my stomach feels like I've been riding a rollercoaster for the last three hours, and you don't even want to know what's going on with my poop situation right now.
If you haven't been sick in college, you are one lucky human being (also, how dare you), but here's a glimpse of what my last 48 hours have been like.
1. The day starts out like any other day.
2. When suddenly a wave of nausea rolls over you.
3. So you run to the bathroom as quickly as you can.
4. Only to find out the bathroom is filled with people getting ready for the day.
5. But you have to suck it up and go into the stall because you’re about to blow.
6. And you’re not really sure which end it’s going to come out of, so you sit on the toilet with the *empty* trash bag from the tampon bin poised under your mouth (because you’ve been wrong before and it’s not pretty).
7. When you’re finally done, you somehow find the energy to crawl to your bed.
8. But you can’t fall asleep because the room spins when you close your eyes.
9. Your roommates try to help, but they stay as far away from you as possible because they don’t want to get sick.
10. And you wish that you were at home with your mom because she would know how to help.
11. When people come in to check on you, your response is always the same sarcastic remark.
12. You can’t wait for the day when your diet consists of anything other than saltines, Sprite, and Pepto-Bismol.
13. And you just want to be alone and watch Netflix while you rid your body of the plague, but everyone wants to come in and talk to you about their problems.
14. When you finally poop your first solid poop in 24 hours, you feel like you’re experiencing a miracle.
15. And suddenly the world seems like a better place.
16. And you think you can eat again, so you start out small.
17. And then say “screw it” and go in for the kill.
18. And immediately regret that when you start feeling nauseated again.
19. Eventually, you accept that you’re going to spend the rest of your life in your bed or on the toilet.
20. Until you wake up one morning, and you’re finally OK.
