When I was in fourth grade, everybody in my class was assigned to do a research project on a particular state. I lived in Florida at the time, and everybody wanted Florida, but I ended up with Ohio. Over a few days I learned what the state capital was, what the various state symbols were and a few tidbits of historical information associated with Ohio. It was pretty basic. I mean, after all, it was only fourth grade.
Eight years later, as an ambitious 18-year-old ready to go off to college and pursue real life, I traveled to northeast Ohio from northern Virginia. After a few years of college, a year and a half in the workforce and endless hours of complaining about the Midwest, I've learned quite a bit about this place, this culture and this region of the country. Let's take a look at some of these deep pieces of knowledge.
1. Ohio isn't really anywhere.
If you held me at gunpoint and asked me to label what region of the country Ohio was in, I would end up forcing some answer out such as, "The Great Lakes Region." Geographically, I consider it doesn't really fit in with the Northeast or Southeast. Culturally and geographically, I consider it a stretch to label it as part of either the East Coast or the Midwest. It has no coastline and doesn't even share a border with a coastline state (and no, the Delaware River into the bay on the eastern side of Pennsylvania definitely does not count), but is also no farther west than Georgia and Cleveland is almost exactly due north of Charlotte or Jacksonville. Definitely not very close to the Great Plains, and the topography and population density, at least in the Northeastern part of the state, is night and day from more "typical" Midwest states such as Kansas or Nebraska. While I have managed to describe Ohio as the Midwest for marketing purposes, such as advertising extreme sports videos or kayaking races ("Hey look! There actually is fun stuff to do in the Midwest!"), I don't like to consider Ohio overall as part of it.
2. People actually like country music.
I always thought this was a far-fetched myth, analogous to the existence of Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. I guess you learn something new every day.
3. This weather makes the East Coast feel stable and predictable.
I'm going to preface this with the fact that I hold an aerospace degree and a pilot's license. Following weather is something I've had to do on a near-daily basis. If I'm driving from Toledo to Cleveland, and I see some cold fronts and a massive low pressure system encircling northeast Ohio, I start to assume that I might not be flying that day. When arrived to hot and sunny weather, I was a tad bit surprised. Another incident occurred when I was in Army ROTC. I reported around 2 p.m. for an event, sweating profusely in extreme sunny weather and consuming water nonstop. Later that day, both my cellphone and one of my personal music players were destroyed from an intense rainstorm that eventually made its way into soaking up the interior of my winter combat boots and scaring off half of the audience of the football game we were conducting a ceremony at. Lastly, warm days in January and snow in late April are not what I necessarily consider to be normal.
4. Nobody in this state has the right to complain about traffic.
To all my fellow Ohio residents, how sympathetic would you feel if somebody in the Southeast complained about it being cold with unpredictable weather? I'm guessing probably not very much. I repeatedly tell my friends in northern Virginia that their weather is not that bad. In return, after growing up a few short minutes from Washington and the Capital Beltway, I can tell you that while Cleveland traffic is not fun, it could be a lot worse.
5. Northeast Ohio is surprisingly close to a lot of places.
This one also requires a preface: I am a whitewater kayaker, and, as with many outdoor enthusiasts, we can be known to downplay longer distances. It's not entirely uncommon to hear, "It's only four hours, we could day-trip it!" Nonetheless, let's assume you were to live in one of the suburbs of Akron. You would be within an hour of Cleveland, two hours of the metropolitan areas of Pittsburgh and Columbus, three hours from Morgantown or Buffalo, five hours from Indianapolis and six hours from Chicago or Washington. I've driven to Asheville, Charlotte and Raleigh and it's not too bad. Plus, you have the local attractions such as the Rock and Roll or Pro Football Halls of Fame.
6. Ohio is a pretty good place for skydiving.
Unfortunately, we are subject to the evil known as seasons, and can't operate nearly every day of the year like Skydive Arizona or Skydive Spaceland Houston. However, this place has its merits. My home dropzone of Cleveland Skydiving Center, formerly known as Skydive Parkman, has had its share of legendary status and holds claims to fame such as the world record blind freefall formation. Start Skydiving is a well-known dropzone with a vast amount of resources, and in the northeast Ohio area, I can think of four dropzones off of the top of my head. Not to mention, Skydive Pennsylvania is only about an hour away. The only downside? Winter is a thing here.
7. If you want to stire up controversy, ask somebody how they refer to a carbonated beverage.
Since I grew up in the Washington metro area, you could probably guess that I use the term "soda." I can also tell you from personal experience that that is not the dominant term here. Nonetheless, it is an almost guaranteed way to cause a riot or plant the seed for civil war in these parts. Let's all just be thankful this wasn't a topic at the RNC last week.
8. The political diversity is surprising.
Considering Ohio's well-known status as a swing state, this actually shouldn't be all too surprising. Even though most of my experience here has been in the metropolitan areas around greater Cleveland and Akron/Canton, some of the most far-left and far-right people I've met in this state were in small towns south and west of here. Most of the people I've met lie significant center of those views, on all sides of the spectrum. I cannot in any good faith say I consider this area to lean noticeably towards one side of the spectrum, although I'm sure others disagree. For comparison, I felt northern Virginia to be extremely diverse as well, yet have a slight but noticeable lean to the left. Let it be known that these observations are a result of what I've personally seen, and depending on specific location, work/school status and economic class, others might disagree.
9. It's not some small town rural state.
A quick search on Wikipedia reveals that Ohio is the seventh most-populated state. For those of you who are quick to bring up the "Wikipedia is not a valid source" argument, this information is straight from the United States Census Bureau. Sure, populations are going to be concentrated, but aside from arguably Rhode Island (whose population density is over a thousand per square mile), this is the case with any state. Ohio has the major metropolitan areas of Cleveland and Columbus, and is a major part of the interstate metropolitan area surrounding Cincinnati. This is without including the smaller but notable Akron/Canton, Dayton and Toledo metropolitan areas. Sure, there are plenty of areas in Ohio that might meet the stereotype, but overall, I don't think it fits the bill.
10. A Buckeye is a tree.
Technically, I learned that from my fourth-grade research project. Nonetheless, unless you are an avid follower of college sports, that seems to be a piece of knowledge that is considered common in Ohio, but far less so in other areas of the country.
11. It is an awesome conversation topic.
If you've never used mutually complaining about how much you hate Ohio to spark a conversation with somebody, do you really even live here? It is also a de facto requirement to say something along the lines of, "I mean, it's not that bad, there are places that are a lot worse, but there are also places that are better, and that's where I want to live." For the record, for anybody who does not live here, but wants to be able to fit in with the local culture, remember this: there is no "moving out of" Ohio. The proper term is "escaping." You will be tested by the locals on that.
12. Toll roads aren't that bad.
Anybody who has driven east out of northeast Ohio knows exactly what I'm talking about. You leave the Ohio Turnpike after paying some change, then you get onto the Pennsylvania Turnpike where you pay with the sacrificial blood of your firstborn. While sometimes I wish for the $2 flat rate of the West Virginia Turnpike near Charleston, tolls here are pretty manageable. I took one to work every day for the better part of a year.
13. It's not Pennsylvania.
The aforementioned toll roads are a pretty solid metaphor for most things about Ohio, actually. It always helps to tell remind yourself, "This could be better, but it could also be worse: we could be Pennsylvania." Disclaimer: This only applies to the parts of Pennsylvania outside of the Pittsburgh metropolitan area, and doesn't include the outdoor recreational areas and state parks. Those places sometimes tend to outshine Ohio a little bit.
14. City types are better drivers.
Sorry guys, but even my country friends can probably (albeit grudgingly) agree that as a general rule, this is true. I've met many people from small towns in Ohio who say things such as, "I'm not good at parallel parking," or "I get anxious driving in the city." I could probably drive through downtown Cleveland with one hand on the wheel playing Pokemon Go if I wanted. Obviously, I'm not going to, but it makes a point. Now, are we necessarily more courteous or respectful drivers? That's a question I feel warrants changing the subject.
15. Sports play-by-plays are available for free on Facebook.
More importantly, we all get the same hilarious experience during football season: "Let's Go Browns!" posted by 20 or 30 people on Facebook, which is often followed with the aforementioned play-by-play, and then the saga famously ends with the classic line of, "[insert expletive here] Browns!" after an inevitable loss. Just as Browns fans never seem to give up, this never seems to stop being funny.
16. May God help you if you mispronounce "Wooster."
For the record, it does not rhyme with "rooster." Actually, I take that back. It does. Go try it out.
17. Every pizza place is worth trying.
Some are good, some are amazing, but none are bad. I especially recommend Wally's Pizza in Cambridge, right off of I-77. If you are driving south to West Virginia, or on I-70 going through Ohio or to or from Columbus or Pennsylvania, you need to stop there.
18. You can navigate based off of gas prices.
I've confirmed this theory on many, many trips into Pennsylvania and Virginia. Gas prices are rising? Then you're getting farther from Ohio. Gas prices are falling? You're getting closer. Try it sometime.
19. "Winter Stockholm syndrome" is a thing.
Despite the opportunities for snowboarding, snowmobiling, ice climbing and winter hiking, I will be the first to say that winter here is miserable. It's the trade-off between, "I get to snowboard" and "I have to put on long pants to go check the mailbox" and overall, the negatives outweigh the positives. Yet, I consistently hear reasons ranging from winter activities to lack of things, such as insects or extreme heat, as justification for why people think winter isn't that bad. They might say it's true and not spoken out of denial, but I know the truth.
20. When it's time for sports, all of Ohio is Cleveland.
Cleveland can often be the subject of ridicule, even if oftentimes it's in a humorous light. Yet, as soon as it's football or basketball time, everybody outside of Cincinnati starts using terms such as "we" and "us" to refer to Cleveland. Now, I'm not referring to Lakewood or Parma Heights or even Akron, but Mansfield, Youngstown and the southern parts of Tuscarawas County become engulfed by the sudden and massive expansion of "The Land." Some residents of Cleveland say it was their city first. Other residents see it as a sign of unity, pride and esprit de corps. I personally couldn't care less either way, but it's an accurate observation.
There are people who might agree with me on every point, and there are those who might think my somewhat lighthearted and largely humorous take on their home state is inaccurate or a misrepresentation. Either way, at risk of writing an article that vaguely resembles something you might see on the dreaded BuzzFeed, I've learned a lot from living in this state. I'm a nomad by nature, and I would leave this place eventually regardless if I absolutely loved it or hated it with every fiber in my being. Every place has its attributes, and to some degree, nearly every place is worth experiencing. I've had five good years in the buckeye state, and all kinds of experiences to go with it.
