I woke up this morning. Simple.

Or is it?

I woke up. Therefore my heart is still beating. Therefore I will live another day. Therefore I may love another day.

I looked at the map taped to my wall. It’s wrinkled, like the idea of me living my own life. Why haven’t I started that yet?

Right... expectations. Not my own though. Why do I let other people define my life? I need control... gain control.

Added to my to-do list.

Yesterday, today, and probably tomorrow, I will plan out my week... and my future. I’ve planned out my future 4 times this week and it’s only Tuesday. I keep rearranging things because I can't decide where, when, what, how, or why. I should just stick to one plan but I can't even decide if my plan for the week is good. What if I don't accomplish all the things I could? I have everything that I need to do written down though... so I won't forget. But what if there is something that I needed to do, that I didn't even know of? Oh, god.

OK... snap out of it.

But what if that plan leads me to nothing. I could lose everything. Do I even have anything to lose in the first place is the question?

So many thoughts are running through my head. I need to concentrate on one. Why can't I concentrate on one thing?

What's for breakfast? Do I even want breakfast? If I get breakfast that will take time, and I don't have much of that. I did wake up early enough for breakfast though. Eh, I will skip breakfast. Where's my list?

Do I even need a list? I could just wild card today and see where life takes me. It could take me somewhere good and I might do something new.

Who am I kidding? I need my list. If I go off in a tangent, everything will go downhill. I will forget something, something big. It will cause everything else to fall out of order and then my life will turn into shambles and I will have no other option than to retrieve into a hole and never come out.

Can I even do that? Can someone just disappear out of thin air because they didn't follow their plan? That's pathetic. Wait...does that mean I am pathetic for thinking about retrieving into a hole?

OK, stop.

Where the hell is my list?

Maybe if I had my life in order, I would know where my list is at. Time to replan everything.