I wish that we could be given a rule book for life. Unfortunately, that doesn’t exist. All I can offer you is a list of things that I wish someone would have written down and gave me before I turned 18. They sure would have saved me a lot of heart-ache had I been given the chance to learn them.
1. Change is hard, but it isn’t a bad thing.
Change, as hard as it is to accept, is unavoidable. We can go around and pretend that it doesn’t happen but it only makes it harder to deal with. People grow up, they go to new places, they experience new things, and in return, they change. It’s what happens. It sucks seeing friends outgrow you or you to them, but it's life. My only advice to deal with change in people is to take what you had with them and keep it close to your heart. Even though things are different, who they are isn’t who they were when you were together so cherish it. Don’t cut people out your life just because they have changed. It’s okay to have them in it in a different way, but losing someone twice sucks even more than seeing them become a new person.
2. Numbers do not define a person’s worth.
Grades, weight, and scores, whatever the case may be, a number does not define what a person is worth. You are more than your GPA or ACT score and you are more than the numbers on the scale. Society has drilled it into our brains that self-worth is based off of what we accomplish and what others see but it isn’t. What is inside is what is important, so start spending time improving what you are on the inside rather than what others see on the outside.
3. Individuality is important, value it.
We have been taught a lot that being different from everyone else isn’t okay. I couldn’t think of a statement more false than this, because individuality is what makes a person who they are. Value your own individuality and value others. Being your own person is so important. Don’t let others change you.
4. Appreciate where you come from.
Moving over 2,000 miles away from home has made me realize how much I should have valued it when I was there. New York is beautiful, but my everyday life at home is missed so much. Take time to look around at the place you live. Take everything in. The smells, the way the sun sets, the beach. Whatever you have around you, admire and appreciate it. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
5. Take time to admire art around you.
This is something I have learned to appreciate since I started going to such an art affiliated college. Artists work really hard at what they do. There is a lot of passion that goes into it. So, take time to look at it. Take time to look at all the different art. Writing, painting, whatever it is, look at what is around you. Odds are once you open your eyes for art you will see even more.
6. Journaling is a good method of therapy.
Write everything. How you feel, what you do, what people say to you, ideas, love notes, everything. I wish I would have started this one earlier, but writing really does heal the soul. It also helps you remember things that you would most likely forget. Just do it. Keep a journal and take it places with you, you never know when inspiration will strike.
7. Talking to people about your problems is okay.
Don’t be ashamed to talk about problems you are going through. Keeping things inside of you just makes things worse. It’s like a poison that you willingly let into your body and let take over you completely. Let it out. Let someone help.
8. Admit when you are wrong.
Yes. Everyone can have an opinion. But do NOT be too proud to admit when you are wrong. Humans are not perfect; we tend to mess up. But when you do, you should admit it. Tell whoever you hurt when you mess up that you are sorry. Admit when you say something wrong, or believe the wrong thing. It’s okay make mistakes.
9. Being alone is okay.
Take time to be alone and regroup. We think that if we aren’t with people all the time that people will talk or that we will lose friends, but really it does not matter. If your friends stop speaking to you because you take a weekend to yourself, find new friends because obviously they are not good ones. People need time to themselves. Read a book. Listen to music. Stay in bed all day. Eat lunch alone. Go to a coffee shop. Whatever it is that you want to do, do it. Let yourself be with just yourself because that is you are going to be with your entire life. Learn who you are and become your best friend. You are worth it.
10. Don’t take family for granted.
I have lost count of how many times I have gone to sleep crying since I moved to college. I’ve sent thousands of Snapchats to my cousins and hundreds of texts to my mom and dad. I miss my family so much and moving across the country has taught me just how important they are. Love them. Give them hugs whenever you can. Make sure you set aside time to spend with them.
11. Don’t put all your faith in just one person.
Having one best friend is all great until you decide that you don’t like each other anymore. Losing everyone at once is the hardest thing to go through. It makes you feel alone, and not in the good way stated in number nine. My only advice is sure, have your best friend, love your best friend, be the BEST best friend you can be, just have some other friends other than that best friend. Just in case one day something happens, you won’t be there left with nothing. This also goes for boyfriends or girlfriends. Don’t put them above everyone else. All things come to an end and when they do you will need friends to support you.
12. Don’t compromise who you are to please someone else.
Just be yourself. Don’t change who you are to fit in or to make someone like you. Pretending to be someone you aren’t is hard and can make you lose sight of the person you truly are.
13. It's okay to not like everyone.
There will be people in this world that you will meet and you just won’t like them. That is okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You cannot like every single person on this Earth, it just isn’t possible.
14. Don’t compromise your morals to fit in.
If someone wants you to do something that you think is wrong, and you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. You do you and let them do them. Don’t tell them what they can and cannot do, but also don’t allow them to tell you what you can and cannot do. Don’t let others make you lose sight of your morals.
15. Don’t lose your sense of humor.
Laughter is the best medicine. Don’t allow to let someone take your laugh or happiness away. Laugh your ass off if something is funny to you. You are happier when you laugh.
16. The golden rule is a good virtue to live by.
I’m pretty sure that no one wants to be treated badly. So why treat others bad? There isn’t an explanation or correct answer to that because it isn’t okay. As childish as it may sound, living by the golden rule is the perfect way to live. Treat others how you would want them to treat you. How, in any way, could that not make sense?
17. Don’t grow up too fast.
Our entire life we are told to stay young and not grow up and then all of a sudden we get into college and are thrown into the real world and expected to be adults. My advice would be to enjoy being young for as long as you can. Children are so innocent, they don’t care what people think, and they love so deeply. Channel your inner child. Be the person you were in elementary school. (Minus the temper tantrums maybe, leave those behind.)
18. Love yourself, flaws and all.
I put this one as eighteen but personally I believe this is the most important. Like I said in number nine, you are going to spend the rest of your life with yourself. You are your own best friend. Would you tear down everything about your significant other or friend to their face? Would you tell them how they need to change everything about themselves? What I am trying to say is that you need to love and appreciate yourself. All of you. Stop looking at yourself and picking apart every little detail. You can think about all the things you want to change and even change them, but once they are changed you will just find more issues to deal with. Love you. Love yourself hard.
So. from me to you, here's a list of 18 things that I wish someone would have told me before I turned 18.
