18 Truths I've Learned About Love In The Last 18 Years

18 Truths I've Learned About Love In The Last 18 Years

I've learned how to recognize healthy, beautiful love.
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Through my 18 years of life I've learned over a million things. Languages, arithmetic, how to ride a bike, how to bake cookies, how to write, and so much more. One of the most important things I've learned in life is how to love. How to recognize healthy, beautiful love.

Here are 18 things I've learned about love in 18 years.

1. Love can heal

I've witnessed up front love heal the saddest of hearts. Love has healed my own heart. The heart is a really powerful tool, allowing us to cherish memories along with our brain. With the passing of a loved one, the heart allows us to love the memories we had with said loved one.

Whether it's the saddest, most gruesome battle you've ever been through, the heart is pretty good at showing us love along the journey.

2. Love is powerful

This goes without saying. Love is one of the most powerful tools in this world. Love can destroy enemies like it did in "Harry Potter," (spoiler alert). Love can bring thousands together during a nation's tragedy. Love gives me you. For that, I'm thankful.

3. Love comes in many forms

Love is all over the place. It's in the professors we see each day, as they continue doing what they love for us as students. It's in our pets, as they cuddle up on us at night to keep us warm and safe. It's in our families, as they provide for us for years on end without complaint. It’s in our friends, as they follow us through life and our toughest battles and happiest of days.

4. Love is not allowing your partner to go to sleep sad, angry, scared, or lonely

I've grown up with parents who showed me love very differently. I'm thankful my childhood was different than my friends,' where I grew up with arguments and hurtful love. I'm thankful for who I am today and why. They showed me what love wasn't. And for that, again, I'm thankful.

5. Love is not just flowers and candy

After my parent's divorce, my wonderful Mom met an equally wonderful guy. He provides support for her, and while he does give her flowers on occasion, he knows that isn't what it means to love someone. Flowers signify appreciation. Providing and being patient on the rough days shows love.

6. Love is not arguing until the morning hours

I realized this quickly growing up. Love is staying calm enough to talk out the issue—not jumping to any solution without explanation and fighting for hours upon hours about what could've been quickly discussed in under an hour. I will forever believe in the quote because of this, "Love is patient, love is kind."

7. Love is knowing your partner's favorite song to play in the car

Some think love is as easy as knowing your partner's favorite color. I still know my kindergarten teacher's favorite color. Favorite colors are easy. Find your partner's favorite donut flavor, their favorite brand of hairspray, their favorite scent or smell, and remember it.

Show them that you've remembered their favorite things by doing small things revolving it. Love is not about how big and fancy you can go for your partner. It's the little, beautiful things that matter so much more.

8. Love is not cursing or yelling harsh words of any kind to each other

Being in love does not mean there will never be arguments. However, when there is an argument, you don't treat them like they're nothing; like they mean absolutely nothing. You can't take words and actions back and harsh words are forever seared into the back of someone's mind.

9. Love is cheering for one another, every day

Whether it's your partner successfully finding a new job or they're having the worst day of their lives, you cheer them on. You fight to see that smile on their face, because love means your happiness is also their happiness as well as their sadness is also yours.

10. Love is making sure they're okay on the bad days, and being able to tell when they're not

Everyone has been through it; everyone has done it. People say they're fine when they are 100% not. Love is being able to tell the difference. Love is knowing your partner well and strongly enough to recognize their frustration and sadness—even when they're trying their hardest to hide it.

11. Love is not forcing someone to do anything they don't want to do

This speaks for itself. If your partner does not want to do an activity, you cannot act like your wants are more important than theirs. If your partner is not comfortable with something, you do not act like that is not important.

Partnerships are feeling comfortable enough with each other to say no and knowing that your partner will be perfectly understanding of your wants. Love is not forceful.

12. Love is listening to your partner's wants and needs

This is almost the same as #11, but slightly different for many reasons. Love is caring about your partners' wants and needs enough to be able to give them. This means being able to listen to what your partner needs in their life to provide for them and it's also listening to their wants.
(Such as getting them a kitten when they ask for one.)

13. Love is not threatening anything towards your partner

Once again, and I'm really stressing this one, you cannot force your partner to participate in something they do not want to do. When the word "no" comes along, and it will frequently, then your job is to be okay with that. What you can't do is threaten them or make them feel like they owe it to you, because love takes two people who want to be together, not one controlling the other.

14. Love is not cheating—emotionally or physically

No explanation needed.

15. Love is being able to make your partner laugh on the saddest of days

Needless to say, if you can be the best part of your significant other's day every day, your relationship is full of love. To be able to make your partner laugh on their worst days is a goal everyone should work towards.

16. Love is not making the other cry alone at night, or ever, really

No one likes to feel unwanted. No one likes to wonder if they're good enough. In a partnership, it's you and the other person. Two people trying their best to make it work, and if you decide that you'd rather hurt your partner than love them, the consequences will be there waiting for you.

17. Love is enjoying each other's company, almost always

Everyone likes time by themselves. But love is when you'd rather be with the other person than by yourself. Love is seeing something on social media or in the shop, and sending a picture to them, letting them know you're thinking of them.

Love is wanting to spend more time with them than away from them. However, there is nothing wrong with putting in your favorite movie, popping some popcorn, and enjoying time to yourself from time to time.

18. Love is everything

Absolutely everything.

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Anne Edgar on Unsplash

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To The Sweet Girl With A Broken Heart

Words of wisdom for every girl...

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To the sweet girl with a broken heart,

Do you feel like you're stuck in this hole, six feet under, with absolutely no way to get out? You are not alone, and I promise you there is a ladder just waiting for you to climb it. I know your heart feels like it's been shot, and your gut feels like it's been punched one hundred times.

This feeling is just temporary, and I can tell you that because I've experienced it first hand. I know you feel alone, and like you're the only person who has ever felt this much heartache. I can promise you that you are never alone, and there are so many girls that can relate to you in ways you never thought possible. Don't let one guy dictate your way of life. Don't let one guy dull your sparkle.

Don't let one guy change your heart, or your remarkable personality. Sounds really silly when you read it back doesn't it? All of this hurt, tears, and confusion over one guy! Don't get me wrong, I know that this one guy was your world, you truly thought he was going to be in your life forever.

Up until this point, you didn't see a life without him in it. Girlfriend, look at yourself in the mirror. You are doing this whole breakup thing all on your own, and you're doing a great job at it. You picked up the pieces, and are carrying on all by yourself. You have been through the most extreme roller coaster of emotions, and you road it solo.

That says something, something really special. That says that you are stronger than you ever thought you were. Realize that! This is God's plan for you, to show you just how amazing you are. That you can conquer all things, and handle them in the most graceful way possible.

You are special. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are you! And that's one hell of a thing to be because you are the only you on this planet!

Lift your chin up, hold your head high, and show the world exactly who you are. Never change for anybody. Ever! Heck, get back to that girl you were before him. Strong, independent, confident, selfish. I know the word selfish seems so, well, selfish. But It's okay to be selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to defending your own heart.

Take that vacation, dress up just because, do your makeup and take selfies just because you want to, go to the gym, get that tan, go to that party, spend time with your greatest friends, hug your mom!

Do all of these things carelessly, do them because you deserve it, and because you can! And at first you may be doing them as a distraction from all that you've been through, but soon enough you'll find that you're doing them not because you need to, but because you want to!

Simply because this really is the new and improved you. Learn from this pain. Learn to love yourself again without him, without constantly feeling like you need to be reminded by him that you are loved. Instead, love yourself and I assure you when other people see that, they'll love you even more.

Girls, when we love someone, we love deeply, we love wholeheartedly, and that person never has to question our love for them. You deserve that same exact love in return. There are plenty of other guys out there just waiting to take care of your heart, and love you unconditionally. You deserve nothing but that!

Do not stop until you find that guy. You can change the world just by being a kind hearted human being. Don't get revenge, don't force yourself to move on as quickly as he did, don't torture yourself with remembering "the old him," and definitely don't change. I know it's hard to see him changing in the worst way, to the point where you don't even recognize him anymore. To the point where he feels like a complete stranger to you.

Do not stoop to his level. Trust me, one day, he will look back on his life and probably regret losing you. Of course, I know all you're wishing is that he'd be able to see that right now, but that just isn't God's plan. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, and hurt, and be upset.

Those are all good things.

That is what is going to allow you to heal, and move on to become a better, stronger, happier, and more mature you! I promise you, that a year from now all that you're stressing about will not mean a thing. This is our one and only chance at life, we can not let one person take away all the happiness that we deserve.

The right guy will never leave, even when times get tough he will always fight for you. I saw something on twitter that said, "take sex away and you'll come to realize that not many individuals have much to offer. This generation is so pressed for the physicality that ya'll forget mentality creates the bond and forms longevity."

That hit extremely close to home for me and is something that everyone needs to remember.

Fall in love with somebody's heart, mind, and soul. Go beyond their looks, go beyond the attraction, dig deeper. Don't be that shallow girl, who doesn't know how to love the right way. You are so much better than that. To every single broken hearted girl, I am so proud of you! I am always here for you, you have so much love and support. I've realized that myself. As I write this, I feel relief, no longer sad or dwelling on the past. What is coming is always better than what is gone. Now get that beautiful smile back on your face because you are too pretty to be sad.

P.S. To the "other girl" (if there is one).

How dare you take him away from me? You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew my whole heart was on the line. Women need to start respecting other women. Think before you act. Would you want to be in my position? I sure as hell hope not, and now that you have him I hope you're thinking about how you hurt me. And if you're not, then you have a lot to learn about life hunny.

It's kinda weird because I can't hate either of you. Simply because I want nothing but the best for him. It's crazy how someone can break your heart into a million pieces, but you still have such a special place in your shattered heart for them. Besides that, take good care of him. I hope he can learn from you, and love you in all the ways he couldn't love me or any of his other ex's. Every relationship is a lesson, and there is always something to learn. So thank you for teaching me mine.

P.S- To "the guy who did this" Imagine you have a daughter someday, and some boy breaks her heart the way you did mine. I hope you think back to this, and remember me. Maybe by that time, you'll feel sorry.

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

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We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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