Recently, I stumbled across an article called "16 Ways Children of Divorce Love Differently" by Maya Kachroo-Levine on Thought Catalog. As a child of divorced parents myself, I wanted to look into this article and see if it was much too general or much too specific, and also to see which parts I agree and disagree with. I've broken down the first half of the article below, but take my criticisms with a grain of salt; each experience with divorce is different.
1. We love cautiously. I very much disagree with this because I fully understand that the relationship my parents had is not the same one I have with my significant other. I don't take commitment any more or less seriously just because I'm a child of divorce.
2. We believe in big love because we know it was at the root of our parents’ marriage, before it imploded. Again, not really. Love doesn't have to be "big" to constitute a marriage, unless the author is alluding to the unbridled passion that typically characterizes marriages doomed to fail. I'm not even really sure what makes a love "big."
3. But we’re also pretty sure big love ends in shambles. I'll confirm this, but out of common sense. I can understand that "passion" and "fire" when unchecked can destroy a relationship. It will burn itself down if your entire relationship is founded on passion because in the long-term, passion does eventually die out.
4. We optimistically believe that no love ever dies. I disagree with this. Sometimes divorce needs to happen, and the "love" needs to die, for very legitimate reasons. Love can die, especially if the "love" in the relationship was actually based on the emotion of "passion." Emotions are notoriously fleeting.
5. We take care of you. I don't see how this is it at all related to being a child of divorce. I know plenty of caring people who are not children of divorce.
6. Things like emotional stability pique our interest. Are there people out there who actively seek people who are emotionally stable? I, for one, make friends based on my own judgment of their character, as opposed to a simple litmus test of emotional stability.
7. Love means questioning everything. So does this mean that all children of divorce are wildly insecure? That doesn't sound like the way I'd want to be characterized.
8. Loving one person for the rest of our life seems terrifying. I'll confirm this, but I don't think it's just children of divorce that feel this way. I would hope that most adults would recognize that a long-term commitment takes dedication and determination, and to have those for a long time is a tall order for many.
This article didn't impress me very much; it seems to be written as a list of excuses for children to divorce to act poorly in romantic relationships. If you have personal issues such as these as a result of being a child of divorce, I highly recommend working on yourself to overcome them, starting by attending therapy sessions. Don't believe everything you see on the internet to be truth.
