Summer is right around the corner and you know what that means- pool and beach time! While everyone else is excitedly bikini shopping or cleansing for that beach body, lifeguards around the country are bracing themselves for the most insane time of the year! Before you head down to your local pool, or take a day trip to the beach, there are some things your lifeguard wants you to know to make life easier for all of us!

1) We usually are not staring at you

When people walk out onto the pool deck they are usually hyper aware of the gaze of the lifeguard. You think we are staring at you, constantly and intensely staring at you. But that is definitely not the case. Not only are you not interesting enough to stare at for hours at a time (no offense of course but really, what are you doing that warrants that much attention?) but it is part of our job to look at every inch of our facility every 10 seconds. I might not move my head back and forth that frequently but my eyes are definitely moving even if my head is pointed your direction.

2) But sometimes we do

Sometimes though, we are completely staring at you. If you are the only one at the pool for instance or if you are doing something weird or strange then we can get fixated on you for periods of time. Occasionally we even do it on purpose to see how you react to being watched if you’re talking on the phone or something like that. More often than not though, if I am staring at you it is because I zoned out in your general direction or I like your swimsuit and am trying to see the label.

3) It drives us crazy when you try to have your friend teach you to swim

One of the most painful things to watch is someone receiving swim lessons from an unqualified friend. Just because your friend can do freestyle across the pool a few times and not drown does not mean that you should be taking any swimming advice from them! Unless your friend was at the VERY LEAST a varsity competitive swimmer in high school (and maybe not even then) then you should just go take swim lessons at the local pool like everyone else. There are so many subtle factor and intricacies that go into someone’s ability to swim that someone who has not done it competitively, taught lessons with a certification, coached, or lifeguarded cannot even begin to understand.

Sure, they can tell you that you aren’t side breathing correctly, but they will not be able to explain that the hip rotation caused by your poor kick timing prevents your shoulders from fully extending and as such your ability to get your arm out of the water high enough to put your neck in the proper side breathing position.

4) We don’t really judge you for how you swim or what you’re doing

If you come to the pool to work out or tan or hang out with friends even, we are not judging you for that. The fact that you got out here and are trying to work out is impressive enough and if you’re doing something slightly wrong we are not being snobby about that. What we do though I we do have to take note of your abilities, location, and friends. If you are a weaker swimmer or an older patron we do have to acknowledge that you are at higher risk for certain things. If you are playing volleyball on the sand court and you aren’t very good, no judgment for that but professionally I do have to judge that you are at higher risk for falling or hurting yourself.

5) But if you’re being rude or obnoxious, we definitely judge you as a human being

If you are that person talking on your phone really loudly about how this guy slept with her and then didn’t call and you are basically yelling and everyone has no choice but to listen to you ramble, then HECK YEA I am judging your behavior. If you steal ice-cream from a child then I will judge you for that too! Basically, don’t be a jerk and try to pay attention to your surroundings. If you are extending common courtesy and not causing and problems than you do not have to worry about the lifeguard judging you.

6) Swimming is harder than you think (taking to you, gym rats)

The muscles used to lift weights versus swim laps are completely different. Just because you can bench press 300 pounds does not mean that you can swim across the pool twice. Every once in a while that trend of cross training will make a comeback, and some 25 year old steroid guy will come to the pool like they are the best swimming in the world. And the results end up hilarious. The guy (and girls do this too but the majority is overwhelmingly male) will jump in the pool and try to attack the water like it is going to move out of their way. It’s a pool; it does not care how big your muscles are. Then they end up getting tired and they make it across once and that’s it.

As humorous as it is to imagine, this activity is actually really dangerous. Especially when they come in group, people like this have a hard time admitting when they are too tired to continue or need help. They will continue to swim if they are being egged on by their friends until one of the lifeguards have to jump in and save their life. Swimming is different than almost every other physical activity out there and if you are not used to it then you have to take it slow and know your limits.

7) Chemicals and water temperature are beyond our control

If you tell me that the water is too cold or the pool has too much chlorine in it, I am just going to stare at you blankly. What do you expect me to do about it? I understand that if it is going to be fixed then a lifeguard or pool staff is going to have to do it, but there are specific people who do that and most of us are not qualified for that. We check the temperature and the chemicals but if we let you in the pool it is because those levels are safe. If you are a regular at a pool and you constantly complain that the pool is too cold GET OVER IT because the pool is the way it is and complaining to be is not accomplishing anything.

8) We see everything you do

When I say we see everything you do, I mean it. Just how in middle school you thought you were so sneaky passing notes without the teacher knowing but in high school doing presentations you realize the teacher could completely see, it’s kind of like that. It is my job to sit there and know exactly where every person is and exactly what they are doing. Pick your wedgie? I saw it. Drop your phone? Saw that too. What most people do not realize though is those things get filtered out. If I lifeguard all day and see over 100 people, then odds are I saw at least 75 wedgies being picked. I don’t sit there and consciously think about each one of those, it’s just something that I see because that is how it works.9) And we love to gossip and talk about it

Keeping with the wedgie example, if you have to adjust your swimsuit I am not going to remember it or care enough to talk about it. Every once in awhile though, someone does something weird, crazy, or embarrassing and lifeguards love to tell these stories. What else are we supposed to do sitting or standing there staring at the same expanse of water all day? We will not specifically identify you and we do not do it with the intention of embarrassing you, but these are the war stories we collect to share with each other. Just like you tell your friend “I saw this one girl who…” Same thing!

10) Parents with multiple children are our worst nightmare

For some reason parents show up with their kids at a pool and completely forget that at any moment their precious little bundle could die. That sounds harsh and cruel and it should because going to a pool is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Parents come in with a blind spot for the activities of their kids and do not give the attention to things that a lifeguard would notice. There have been so many times when a mom is holding a smaller kid by the leg or arm, letting them just swim around close, and then they get distracted and all of the sudden the kid can’t get their face out of the water enough to breathe. This might sound farfetched but all the lifeguards out there know that parents are the worst!

11) We don’t make the rules but you do have to follow them

When the lifeguard yells “walk” over and over and over and over again for hours on end, it is not because that is our favorite word and we love saying it. When we make you walk back and rinse off it is not because we get off watching you shower. The same goes for age limits, swim tests, equipment use- anything that we tell you do. That lifeguard did not choose the words to put on the signs and they did not choose who rules apply to. You can ask us to make exceptions, bitch about having to obey, complain about us being rude or unfair, or just ignore us all together but keep in mind these rules come from above our heads and we will kick you out of the pool if you do not follow them.

12) The sun can seriously hurt you

There is this sickness that people talk about called cancer. You may have heard of it. And what gives people cancer? Depending on who you ask you might hear microwaves, butter, McDonalds, gluten, or a bunch of other random things but what everyone agrees on is that the sun is one of the worst culprits that can cause cancer. After a long life of sun exposure obviously the risk is higher but one sunburn is all it takes and you could end up needing skin grafts, surgery, and even transplants. One of the most common conversations over heard on a pool deck is about not wearing sunscreen or being fine about getting burned and that should not be the case. The sun can burn you just as much as a bottle of corrosive chemicals can. Do not forget that.

13) You are using your sunscreen wrong

Sunscreen will not keep you from getting darker. Sunscreen needs to be applied at least 20 minutes before getting wet. The SPF of your sunscreen does matter- a lot. You will not be hurt by your sunscreen.

Honestly, this should pretty much be common sense. Getting darker has to do with the amount of melanin your body produces, not how much oily sunscreen you put on. If you get in with wet sunscreen that has not been on long enough, the lifeguard will literally watch a cloud of white come off of your body and poof, no sun protection remains on your skin. Sure, SPF 15 is better than SPF 0 but think of it like clothes, a t-shirt will keep you war, but a down jacket will do a much better job. Some people think sunscreen causes cancer but that has never been proven. It is common knowledge that sun does cause cancer. Do the math on that, either maybe a slight change or a very, very high chance.

14) We might look bitchy, but it’s the sunglasses, really

Resting bitch face is a syndrome that plagues the nation. When your face is just chilling with no expression, sometimes it can be taken the wrong way. The lifeguard stands there four hours and hours, just looking and watching and trying to keep a smile on our face that entire time are painful and frankly just unnecessary. Adding large and reflective sunglasses just makes the entire thing worse too. While we do try to keep our voices happier, yelling “walk” never really sounds any nicer. We’re nice people though, I promise!

15) This is our job and we take it seriously

People always say “oh you’re a lifeguard? That must be so easy!” To some extent sure that is the case, just sitting and saying “walk” or “no running” over and over again. Not a bad way to just relax in the sun and get paid for it but most of the time the job involves a lot more than what meets the eye. At every moment we are required to know who is in the pool, what they are doing, who they are with, what their risks are, and who we need to deal with if there was an emergency. We do not appreciate it if your actions come between us and our ability to save other people should the need arise. While it might look like we are relaxing, trust me, there is more to it.

16) If it comes down to it, we will save your life no matter what

Regardless of if you are the parents drowning their child, the couple making out in the hot tub, or the person with the cloud of sunscreen coming off of them; you can trust us to save your life if it needs to be saved.

Happy water going this summer, try to keep these things in mind next time you end up somewhere where the lifeguard is in charge!