A luxury lifestyle website recently raised prices in emotions when a contributor made a list of "15 Thoughts Every Guy Has When Dating A Bigger Woman." The author, Jim Hogue, who has amassed lists of 15, wreaked havoc with his body-shaming article.
"The fact is the way our society is set up, a guy is not supposed to want to date an [sic] larger woman," he actually opines. He sizes up the list by talking about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
He then states he has "talked to enough guys in this situation;" no wonder he is being vague. One look at society and people of varying shapes, sizes, forms, colors, backgrounds, ages, and creeds are being happy together. Either the author lied to fit his agenda, or he does not have many guy friends who date bigger women.
My list tears down his, bullet by bullet.
15. "Your Date Is Tough"
He argues these guys want "a girl to hang out with that is tough, and can take care of herself." Bigger women have their share of fragile members. Weight is not synonymous with strength or endurance. This assumption is absurd.
14. "My Girl Can Cook"
The obvious point is that bigger women can cook since they are big. This assumes that is how they got big, to boot. Not only is food only one of many reasons an individual might get big, but some big girls cook healthy.
13. "Calorie Counting Is Out"
The problem with this is that it contradicts his thesis. If society is self-aware of obesity, which is true, then calories would be still be a factor. In fact, some bigger women will play the "do as I say, not as I do" game in scenarios the author gives. Some don't.
12. "It Is Good For His Confidence"
The idea that bigger women are used as practice dummies is not only offensive, but wrong. Guys who do this often times fall into that slump and think this is as good as it gets. But most guys do not think this way. Confidence can only be found internally, not by the affections of a girl one has little desire to be around.
11. "He Might Like Them Better"
The "to each his own" condescending attitude aside, he is right on point here. There are men, probably not "some" like he arbitrarily proclaims, who are into bigger women. True story.
10. "They Are Easy To Talk To"
Any bigger woman will tell anyone this is a lie. Some big girls have been pressured to build a "good personality," and so they honed their conversation skills. But many of them have low self-esteem it is hard to get them to talk. But once you earned their trust, they will want to talk a lot.
9. "Picking A Place To Eat Is Easy"
Jimmy boy apparently is not a foodie. Food fanatics have a lot of choices to make. Fast food or Chinese buffet? Fine dining or pizzaria? A deli or Mexican? Not to mention the subcatagories. If fast food: McDonald's or Wendy's? And that wrongly assumes all bigger women are foodies.
8. "The Cuddling Is The Best"
Cuddling is physically and psuchologically stimulating no matter the size. Or rather depending on the arms of the beholder. Too small? Not enough cuddling. Too big? One arm is not enough.
"A plus-sized girl is going to tend to be happy for that sort of attention," the author says confidently. As if a bigger woman is so starved for affection she would be driven into the arms of any man willing to give her a second look.
By the way, Jim Hogue, there are plenty of professional cuddlers who are skinny. And they earn more money than you do as a writer.
7. "She Is A Built-In Workout Buddy"
If a guy chooses a workout buddy who is too much for him, the problem is not with the size of the woman. Athletic women tend to be aggressive with working out because they know what they want. It is not their fault lazy guys refuse to try to keep up with them. Skinny women and bigger women require different workout routines.
6. "There Is Less Pressure On How You Look"
This wrongly assumes bigger women do not care about appearances. But the author seems to think they do. This is a contradiction the author employs. Not to mention the fact many bigger women do nag their skinnier boyfriends on the subject.
5. "Jealousy Is A Thing Of The Past"
This author does not have hbis finger on the pulse of the future - or the present. Assuming, wrongly so, bigger women are unattractive to other men - his article is all about a group of men who date bigger women. Logic dictates a bigger will have guys to choose from.
Not to mention the flip side: bigger women, who are seemingly so damned in the eyes of society, would be overly jealous over the skinnier boyfriend.
4. "They Tend To Be Funny"
If it was not obvious before, the author sounds like American Psycho. A real life Patrick Bateman who view appearances as the most important thing. Self esteem works botrh ways. Skinny girls might run on empty if they are told to have "more meat on the bones" or if guys are only interested in them because of their weight. Oh, and sense of humor is not dependent on the number on the scale.
3. "They Tend To Be Eager To Please"
As if all a girl is good for is to please, let alone bigger ones. This point may have been true in a pre-internet world, but bigger women are shimmying off traditions and defying the old rules. A few minutes on social media could have told Mr. Hogue this.
Oh, and he might need to check out the kinky world of BDSM. The average Dominatrix is not skinny.
2. "You Can Take Her Anywhere"
That is not entirely accurate. For submissive women, this is true, regardless of size. For dominant women, this is a fairy tale, big or little. And it often depends on who is paying the bills. Big working women would have a lot to say to the body-shaming author here.
1. "They Are Easy To Ask Out"
This is true - with any guy whith confidence asking out targets of any size. In today's world - maybe Jim Hogue has written articles so long he forgot how the world works - bigger women are discovering options. Even ones with little confidence knows "chubby-chasers" is a thing. Hell, a look on the BDSM social network, Fetlife.com, will reveal there are bigger women who welcome guys who are attracted to BBW and there are bigger women who shun guys who view their weight as a fetish.
This article would be more accurately called "15 Thoughts Every Insecure Guy Has When Dating A Bigger Woman." Because it takes an insecure individual to have these thoughts when dating a bigger woman. The author is either living under a 1980's rock or just something with high shock value.
One tradition millennials are burying in the past is match-making. They are breaking the taboos, the worldviews, and the self-loathing blues that come with suppressing one's desires. Between social media and an ever-changing market, bigger women are breaking out with confidence more than ever - leaving guys like Jim Hogue in the dust. Good riddance!
