According to the Oxford English Dictionary, grief is defined as "deep sorrow, especially caused by someone's death." While this holds as a true definition, there's more to it than just that. Grief is the fear of forgetting...or remembering. It's the pain of having a dream about someone who was once here, only to wake up and remember that they're gone. It's the dread that comes along with holidays or certain dates you wish you could sleep through or just skip all together. Grief is not just a definition, but an entire universe of emotions. Though it can feel impossible to overcome at times, it doesn't mean that it has to control your life. Having experience with losing a parent, I've fought my fair share of what seemed to be unbearable grief, but, along the way, I've come to realize that there are ways to loosen the grip that grief holds on us. It comes down to remembering some pretty important things.
1. Professional help is available
Although it may not be everyone's first choice, counseling and therapy can be very beneficial to someone who may be struggling with grief. There are online options as well if you aren't interested in going to an actual therapist. Group therapy may also be a good way to communicate with others who share the same struggle as you.
2. Pictures and videos hold memories
Looking back at pictures or watching old videos is something that I really enjoy to do when I'm missing my mother because it makes my memory of her feel more alive. It can be hard at first, but over time you'll become more appreciative of the random photos or your lost loved one you find hidden away somewhere.
3. Other people can tell you stories
When I'm down and missing my mom, sometimes I'll call or text one of my aunts or closest friends and ask them what some of their favorite memories of my mom were. It's definitely something I encourage people to do once they're comfortable enough.
4. You don't have to get rid of your loved ones possessions
Sure, it can be good to get rid of a few things because they might cause clutter, but that doesn't mean you need to get rid of everything. Keep old sweaters or little knick-knacks. You won't regret having a little piece of that special someone near you.
5. You don't always have to be okay
Losing someone is a big deal, and it brings a lot of change into your life. You don't have to be okay all of the time or act like you're doing fine. It's okay to take a day off every now and then.
6. You are responsible for your own actions
Though you may be hurting, that doesn't mean you should be making bad choices to distract you from the grief. I used to take terrible care of myself, but now I find healthy ways to cope with whatever grief it is that I'm dealing with.
7. You're not the only person who lost a loved one
You are not the only one who lost a cousin, a friend, a parent. Their family and friends are hurting too, so reach out to them. Support them as much as you need that same support, because they are going to be the only ones who understand, on some level, what it is that you're going through.
8. Remembering is a good thing
Don't suppress all of the memories you have of someone who you've lost. Though you may want to, they're still important.
9. Some days are going to be better/worse than others
Sometimes you might feel like everything is fine and you're getting better, but then, the next day, everything goes spiraling down again. It's normal. It's all a part of the grief cycle, so don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day here and there.
10. You're always going to miss them
People always say that time heals; it does. Everyday gets a little better, whether you realize it or not, and you never really realize it until you look back at the progress you've made. Though this is true, you'll never stop missing them, and you never should.
11. You're never alone
Chances are that people want to help you, but they just might not know how to. Let them help, or at least reach out to someone. It's not healthy to keep everything bottled up all the time!
12. Your loved one will always be with you
This has been the hardest part of overcoming grief that I have had to face. Though your loved one may not be physically here, they'll always be with you. You will always have a connection with that person. I've seen signs of my mother being with me through nature, and it's honestly one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced.
