I struggle a lot of negative self talk and anxieties surrounding my insecurities, mostly with feeling not good enough.

What I've learned is that is really is true that you can't search for validation from anyone but yourself - even someone who loves you completely and unconditionally. It just doesn't cut it.

It doesn't make the insecurities go away and it just leaves the person trying to fill your validation tank up feeling confused and emotionally exhausted when you still don't feel validated and secure in who you are and what you bring to the table.

So how do you get there? How do you raise your self esteem so that you're not relying on other people to fill your tank?

You work on positive self talk and raising your self esteem. You have to find the validation that you are good enough within yourself or everyone else telling you that you are will feel like a lie.

If you don't believe you're great then why would you believe someone else telling you that you are? You know you the best, after all.

Remember the list below when working on your self esteem. Maybe make a list of the top 3 things you think would help you personally and make sure all 3 are included in your week somehow.

I know they've helped me and hey... they couldn't hurt!

1. Stop pretending to be someone else.

You're not going to feel confident within yourself if you spend most of your time trying to be who people want you to be or who you think you should be. The more often you allow yourself to be yourself, the more comfortable you become with that person and the more confident you'll become showing that person to the world. Faking NEVER works in the long run. Even if other people believe it, you won't.

2. Make a list of 3 things your proud of yourself for.

What have you accomplished, overcome, recognized about yourself, or let go of lately?

3. Make a list of 3 things you think you're great at.

What do you believe you do well? In what situations do you always have faith in yourself to succeed in?

4. Make a list of 3 different things people tell you you're great at.

What do people come to you for? What abilities do people compliment you on?

5. Walk around your house naked.

Just do it. Trust me.

6. Get dressed up in your favorite looks for no reason.

Chill around the house feeling good. Of course, not all the time. I love sweats just as much as the next girl and think it's important to go make up free in your comfiest outfit regularly. However, when you're in no rush with no pressure, spending some time putting together a makeup look, outfit, hairstyle, etc. that makes you feel great about yourself never hurts.

7. Try a nightly log of what you did for yourself today.

Ask yourself at the end of every day, I'd recommend through journalizing (even if it's just jotting one sentence down), "What did I do to benefit my mental health and make me feel like myself today?" Mental health is just like physical health - you have to take care of yourself. This can be taking a walk, having a spa night, cleaning, blasting your favorite playlist in your car and driving around for some alone time, going for a run - whatever leaves you feeling better than when you started.

8. Try "I am" affirmations.

I wrote another article completely focused on this idea. Telling yourself every day "I AM enough, I AM worth of the good that comes into my life, and I AM great at ____" does so much good for the way you think about yourself, interpret situations, and self-talk.

9. Dance.

Unless you're a true athlete/yogi, or even so, there is a good chance you're not as connected to your body as you could be. We often become disconnected from our bodies if we're extremely sedentary and due to all of the negative body image talk we hear in the media. Even if it has to be during cleaning, laundry, or dishes time - DANCE! Mindless activities work but ideally it is just you and your favorite music, allowing your mind to drift off and your body to take over.

10. Take photos of yourself.

Taking photos of yourself can be a great confidence building activity! Get familiar and comfortable with the way you look to others and, thus, the way you see yourself in photos. This is not for the purpose of then posting these photos for external validation, it's another way to make you feel more connected to your physical self.

11. I know this last one might sound counterintuitive - but get over yourself!

Yes, GET OVER YOURSELF. This is something I'm working on. This doesn't mean to stop being confident or to hold back from showing the world the great things about you. This means to realize that you are not the cause of everyone's actions or expressions toward you. There's just no way.

When you're anxious and insecure, it can be easy to assume someone's bad attitude, tone or reaction is because of you. It can be easy to assume someone canceled plans bc they don't care about seeing you or that if someone doesn't do something that YOU decided shows you they love and care about you then they don't.

There are a million factors in all of our lives. The odds that you're the reason for everyone's actions and reacts toward you are just about none. A lot of the time, it's not because of you at all. Assume it's not because of you.