1. Flip flops are de facto footwear for everyone and every occasion.
Not just any flip flops work for funerals, of course. As beach natives know, there are different grades of flips flops: everyday flip flops, church flip flops, actual beach flip flops and wearing-around-the-house flip flops. Save the solid black ones for funerals.
2. The guy’s graphic tee/printed shorts/flip flops combo is a thing.
Never mind that this would be a fashion atrocity anywhere further inland. Guys simply don’t wear patterned shorts in Michigan, for example, especially not accessorized with flip flops. On the coast, however, it’s the male version of “I woke up like this.”
3. You own multiple beach towels, and one maintains permanent residency in the backseat of your car.
Beach-towel-availability is a prerequisite to any successful impromptu beach run, and you plan accordingly. Bonus points if you also have a swimsuit and baby powder to rid your feet of sand afterward.
4. You gaze pityingly at the hordes of tourists flocking to one commercialized strip of sand while you relax in a secluded cove near your house.
A day at the beach is much more relaxing when you're not tripping over your neighbor's cooler or inhaling their spray-on sunscreen. At the beach that only locals frequent, you know the unspoken rule of maintaining at least 25 feet between families; at the tourists' beach, you might get 25 inches if you're lucky.
5. You're frequently inconvenienced by the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy at fast food restaurants.
That is why there are different grades of flip flops; this predicament calls for the beach variety that can withstand water, sand and greasy floors.
6. You had your first date on the beach, proposed/got proposed to on the beach, got married on the beach and honeymooned in the mountains.
You and your spouse were contemplating decorating the new house with a log cabin theme until you came home and discovered that your well-meaning wedding guests gifted you a driftwood dining table, ocean-scented candles and seashell-shaped dinner plates. Your log cabin theme is the first matrimonial dream that dies over a meal of shrimp and lobster.
7. You hate tourist season.
The traffic is especially bad going toward the commercialized beach that all the tourists heard about. The worst part is when you legitimately need to stop somewhere near that Holy Grail of sand strips, but you can't find a parking spot because of a surfing tournament.
8. You also love tourist season.
As much as you love your secluded cove, a deserted beach can feel a little lonely. Tourism gives life to a beach in the summer, and you decide that the pleasure of seeing so many people excited to visit your city is worth the extra traffic.
9. Cold weather attire looks something like this.
You match your sandals to your parka, and you coordinate your shorts. If the temperature drops low enough, you slip on your Uggs shearling-lined flip flops.
10. Sunscreen is an unfortunate fact of life.
Whether you're wearing it or smelling someone else's, you know all about it. It’s a smart choice for everyone, and it’s mandatory if you’re fair-skinned. But that doesn’t eliminate the sweaty, slimy, sandy reality of sunscreen, and it only gets worse if you actually reapply periodically—or when you remember.
There are spray sunscreens that cause uncontrollable coughing once inhaled, and waterproof varieties that dissolve just enough to drip in your eyes. And don’t get me started on the complexities of shopping for multi-racial family members who each requires a different SPF.
11. As if it's not enough to simply live near the beach, you end up bringing it home with you.
Your floorboard is practically a sandbox. Of course, it doesn't help that the vacuum at the local car wash keeps clogging with the sand from every other beach native's vehicle (and the tourists' rental cars).
12. You've gotten a little too complacent toward hurricane warnings.
You used to entertain thoughts of storing one gallon of water per person per day, but now you settle for a case of bottled water and some assorted canned goods that you pray you never actually have to eat for three days straight. You relieve your slightly guilty conscience by creating a Pinterest board of emergency preparedness articles and recipes for home-grown, home-canned fruit and vegetable preserves.
