Summer is a wonderful time of year. The weather is warm, the skies are blue, and the sun is always out. Coming from Florida, summer means that every day is beach day and there is never a inappropriate time to bust out the flip flops. However, as the summer months finally start to draw to a close, I've started to reflect on just how problematic this time of year can be for the all the pale people of the world.
1. You can't tan.
Let's be honest. There are two settings for pale people: white and pasty or red, and crispy. Take your pick.
2. You and the sun are basically frenemies.
While some people can go out and soak up its rays, the two of you are in a love/hate relationship.
3. You secretly hate all of your naturally tan friends.
Curse you and your naturally beautiful olive-toned skin.
4. Finding the right color foundation is nearly impossible.
And if you do find something it's in the shade of 'snow globe or 'alabaster'. What a confidence boost.
5. Going outside for any length of time requires intense preparation.
Hat? Check. Umbrella? Check. SPF 1,000? Check.
6. And if you do walk outside, be aware that you could be a walking traffic hazard.
I've heard horror stories of people being so pale that the reflection of the sun off their skin can literally blind innocent passersby.
7. Fake tans are good in theory, but in reality they just make you look like a walking carrot.
It was a valiant attempt, but let's be real -- it's not fooling anyone. Despite what the may say label, it's giving you everything except that warm, natural glow you so desperately desire.
8. Ninety-nine percent of the arguments you get into with your parents revolve around whether or not you have applied enough sunscreen.
"Mom, I do not need anymore sunscreen. I just put some on 10 minutes ago."
9. The skin to freckle ratio is very disproportionate.
Every time a new one appears you can't help but think to yourself, "Hmm, you could be skin cancer."
10. Traditional summer clothing options are always a risky business.
Every bump, bruise, and razor burn appears clear as day, and if you're not careful you may walk outside looking like you just got done fighting a bear.
11. The color white is just not in your color palate.
And neither are yellow or orange.
12. Oh, and let's not forget about the nicknames.
Please continue to ask whether or not I sparkle in the sun and tell me that I'm practically see through.
But never fear, my fellow pale friends. Fall is almost here, and before long we will enter into the lovely time of sweaters and jeans. All of the nice summer glows will begin to fade and soon everyone will blend into the snow on the ground. So enjoy those last few warm weather days, embrace your skin, and rock those pasty legs.
