Borderline Personality Disorder, otherwise known as BPD, can be a crippling mental illness that can affect any age, gender, personality, etc. Although, it is said to be brought on by an unstable upbringing. It is something that effects me and my relationships everyday. Here is a basic definition.
"Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness marked by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. Most people who have BPD suffer from:
- Problems with regulating emotions and thoughts
- Impulsive and reckless behavior
- Unstable relationships with other people."
--as stated by the National Institute of Mental Health here.
I have 12 things that fellow sufferers can relate to. Read on, friends.
1. "They said they would be here at 4:00. It's 4:06. They obviously don't like me. I don't like me. No one likes me. Since they don't like me, I'm going to cut them off before they can do that to me."
That logic though. I feel this all the time. My boyfriend could tell me he's in traffic, but my mind is telling me he's probably just finding a way to not see me. I know it's not true though. A friend doesn't text me back using emoji's? I'm not answering them, because I'm just so not worth their time.
2. "I can't find the remote control. So now I'm going to spend the next hour screaming and crying about how everything in my life sucks and how life won't go on."
...Yep. Not *always* with little things like this, but mostly, yes. If I can't find my favorite spoon, pen, my book or whatever it is, it ends in a temper tantrum. If I find it? Everything is perfect and nothing ever happened.
3. "I hate you, don't leave me."
Six words couldn't sum up my brain enough.
4. *Is crying*
Friend: "Are you OK?"
Me: "Yes."
Friend: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes. I'm Fine."
Friend: "OK."
Me in my head: "Why don't you care? Can't you see I'm crying?"
It's like a roller coaster of mixed emotions. It's pretty great.
5. Going shopping, wanting to buy eight different things, only having enough money for seven, getting mad and deciding to get nothing because you're too angry now.
Where are my all-or-nothing friends at?
6. Or...being so impulsive, buying everything you don't need, only to feel buyer's remorse right after.
Ha..ha..my entire wardrobe...and books...and makeup collection..but wait I love th-
7. You can go from frolicking in the flowers to crying in your pillow to smashing glass all in a matter of minutes.
My favorite is when I'm having a good day and I drop a pencil on the ground and then I get so mad I throw something at the wall. *Laughs nervously*
8. You're on your diet. You go to Dunkin, and you ask for one cream. You get so paranoid that they're trying to ruin your life, so now for the rest of forever, you ask for it on the side.
I wouldn't even be able to have my best friend make it, because what if they're secretly out to get me too?
9. You go to bed, ready to just run away and give up on everything, sobbing into your pillow. You wake up and have a smile on your face, the sky is blue, the birds are chirping and you're dancing around in your bedroom.
Mood swings are fun.
10. You have to be complimented at least 100 times on the same thing before you'll believe the person, because if they only say it once, they don't really mean it.
Everyone is just always out to get me... *sighs*
11. People say you either have no emotion at all, or too much.
I either say I don't care about anyone or anything, or any of the above examples. So glamorous.
12. Lacking empathy.
The worst. I don't care about those SPCA commercials, and I don't know how to comfort people who are upset. I don't really even like being touchy.
Yes, people with BPD might seem slightly crazy, but we're not too bad. Give us a chance. We're pretty cool. Normal is for losers anyway.
