It’s the first nice day in months, and you’re sitting at your favorite bench on campus, listening to music through your headphones and frantically trying to finish your Psych 101 homework before your next class. It might just be that your winter-pale skin is overdosing on its first taste of Vitamin D in months, but you’re really feeling yourself today, and are completely content sitting alone. Suddenly, a douchey-looking guy in the shortest Chubbies you’ve ever seen and a “rush TKE” t-shirt meanders over from across the courtyard and proceeded to introduce himself with a cheesy pickup line. You begrudgingly take out your headphones and tell him this very important assignment is due in ten minutes just to make him go away. Sound familiar? Every girl has been the subject of unwanted male attention at some point in her life, and we’ve all picked up techniques to fend boys off smoothly. Here are 11 of the most successful tricks.
1. The classic “I have a boyfriend.”
Although cliché, this technique is very effective. Most guys don’t want to hook up with a someone whose boyfriend might walk in at any second, so they’ll probably just move on to their next potential girl for the month. Unless you have that special type of f***boy on your hands that pulls out the “But he’s not here” line…
2. Pretend you’re dating your guy friend/friend’s boyfriend.
Another very effective trick. Just grab whatever platonic guy is available, and have him beef with that frat boy for your honor. Extra points if they actually fight over you.
3. Have your friend swoop in and save you during the painful conversation.
Shoot your friend a quick “SOS” text, and watch the boy’s eyes glaze over in confusion when your friend comes over and tells you she needs you RIGHT NOW.
4. Pretend you’re doing something super important on your phone.
Whoever said that phones are a social crutch for most millennials got it right. Use yours to demonstrate how uninterested you are in the dude in front of you. “Sorry, but my Instagram feed is BLOWING UP right now…”
5. Give him one-word answers until he realizes you’re not interested.
This technique is effective in person and over text. Not many people will continue to make the effort to talk to someone who’s giving them absolutely nothing in return (unless they’re desperate).
6. Tell him you're seventeen.
He probably doesn't want charges, so he should leave your jailbait ass alone. Unless he's creepy enough to not care.
7. “Lose him” in a crowd.
Preface this with “I’ll be right back, I’m going to get a drink,” and then never see him again.
8. Say weird things in the conversation so he stops seeing you as a potential conquest.
“I already have my wedding and entire future planned out. It includes a square-cut wedding ring, 3 kids, and 2 dogs in a split-level colonial. Maybe you can be the lucky guy?”
9. Another classic, tell him you’re a lesbian.
Although this seems to be the perfect solution in the moment, it may not work. You could be dealing with a guy who will tell you “That’s hot, can I watch?” or “Maybe I can change that,” which defeats the purpose entirely.
10. Tell him you just got out of a relationship and “aren’t looking for anything”
He probably doesn’t want to deal with a girl crying in the middle of a makeout because he kisses just like her ex (or something else emotional), so he’ll probably leave you alone.
11. Leave him on “read.”
Although this technique could lead to him accusing you of “ghosting” on him, it’s effective and lets your pursuer down without any confrontation.
College is a hard time for relationships, and it’s often difficult to tell if a guy is trying to use you or has genuine intentions. Although it can feel like you have boys swarming for all the wrong reasons, keep looking for the one who wants to sit down with you and buy you dinner. He’s usually the keeper.
