11 Things You Should Grab Instead Of Pussies

These days, there seems to be little to no consequences for sexual assault. If you approach an unsuspecting woman and "grab [her] by the pussy," you can easily run for president of the United States of America. People will defend your creepy demeanor, despite the fact that you literally bragged about nonconsensual sexual advancements. If you belong in the category of individuals who like to test the limits of whether there will be consequences to your actions, here is a list of things you should also try grabbing:

1. A Cactus

Let's see if there are any repercussions if you grab an unsuspecting cactus!

2. An electric fence.

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Will you end up like the little boy in Jurassic Park, or will your power protect you, leaving you unscathed? There's only one way to find out!

3. A baby wolf in his den.

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I am willing to bet Mama Wolf just lets you do it. You should find out!

4. Lava.

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You're tougher than a can of Chef Boyardee, aren't you? Prove it.

5. Anything on a police officer's belt.

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Police men never overreact to small movements!

6. Anything owned by Liam Neeson.

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7. Used syringes you find on the bank of the Ohio River.

There will most likely be no consequences here.

8. A hot curling iron.

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Do you happen to have any lady friends? If so, barge into their house unannounced and just grab their curling iron with no remorse!

9. Any document at the National Archives.

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If Nicholas Cage can do it, you can do it! Again, no consequences!

10. Your hot, Digiorno pizza.

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Who needs an oven mitt or utensil to get your pizza out of the oven? Grab it straight from the rack with your bare man-hands!

11. Straight-up hydrochloric acid.

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If American laws don't apply to you, I bet chemistry will bend its rules for you, too!

Test these out for science's sake, and report back to me with your findings! I look forward to hearing how all this works out for you.