It's that time of the year again. School has begun, the leaves on the trees are changing, and most importantly: football season is in full swing. Some people choose to cheer for their favorite team, and others just watch for fun, but you are not this trite. You make the most of your football season, and when all is said and done, you might even wind up a champion. Here are 11 signs that you play ESPN Fantasy Football.
1. You are a self-proclaimed fantasy football expert
You have a direct connection to the fantasy gods. This allows you to automatically know who is going to put up huge numbers the coming weekend, regardless of your actual interest or knowledge of football. But just in case this connection fails, you put in a solid 40 hours every week because. Let's be real, fantasy football is a full time job.
2. You occasionally take a break from ESPN.com to eat, sleep, and work
Fantasy football is a lifestyle, and your primary goal in life for the next few months will be to humiliate your friends on the fantasy field. Due to this dedication, you spend most waking hours analyzing match-ups and statistics.
3. You have the app on your phone, and you use it. Like, really use it.
The fantasy football is always on your mind, even when you think its not. And now, thanks to the miracle of smartphones you never need to leave your team behind. If you start someone on a bye week it's your own damn fault.
4. All non-football conversations are a waste of time
Since all of your friends are also amateur analysts, this will be the overarching theme of your conversations through December. Their insight and fantasy wisdom will either lead you to victory or a humiliating, should-have-gone-with-my-gut, defeat. Due to your constant need for NFL info and updates, anybody who does not own a fantasy football team is simply a place filler for the next owner you discuss the finer aspects of life with.
5. Injuries hold a whole new meaning to you
You never thought you'd wish such horrible fates upon a random stranger. That was until you began playing fantasy football. You celebrated, audibly when Ben Roethlisberger got hurt because it really helps your match up. The funny thing about injuries is they work both ways, and before you know it your team is a bunch of no name back ups you scrounged up when all of your running backs decided to take the weekend off.
6. You live a life filled with regrets
Listening to your friends horribly misinformed advice is the least of your fantasy sins that you have committed throughout the season. Your first overall draft pick was a bust, and you declined a trade that would have made your team a godd*mn powerhouse. You have more regrets than the Greek god Prometheus (and you don't know who that is, because he's not in the league).
7. The waiver wire. You love it. You hate it. It makes you feel stupid.
The waiver wire is the devil. But it's also not. It is the yin and yang of the fantasy world. One minute it is a savior, the next an executioner. If your draft was a bust it can be your best friend, and if you drafted a good team it is your worst nightmare. You're projected to win by twenty, then the other team picks up Davonta Freeman who decides he is going to randomly become the best running back in recent memory you could have picked him up, but the now injured Tevin Coleman had such potential. The problem is that the waiver wire is like a Border Collie. It might take a dump on your favorite shoes one weekend, but the next it is saving you from a well.
8. You trade players like wall street brokers trade stock
You are the worst kind of person when it comes to trades. You would be willing to take everything from your friend's team without batting. Maybe you're an ethical fantasy owner, and refuse to take advantage of the first year owner who is just asking for it. You're still a bad person though, don't fool yourself. The moment you found out Jordy Nelson was out for the season you knew you had to act fast. You began making a list in your head of the most oblivious team owners in the league (with full intention of trading Mr. Nelson for their best player). You know exactly what youYou should be ashamed of yourself.
9. Gronk
'Nuff Said
10. You get excited about the Cleveland Browns
Yes, you even somehow manage to get excited about the least exciting franchise in the history of sports. Shame on you. But you need to see how your running back matches up with your run defense, and you know that there's the chance he's going to break off a huge run.
11. The people closest to you think you have a problem
Your boss tells you you're slacking, your teacher tells you that you're having troubles paying attention in class, and your girlfriend begins to question your relationship. They don't understand. They'll say words like "waste of time", and "addiction", but you know what it really is. You sometimes may even doubt yourself, asking if it's worth all precious time you have invested in finely tuning your squad. Then you get an injury update on your phone telling you that Alshon Jeffrey is sitting out yet again this weekend, and you smile to yourself with a twinkle in your eye. You just picked up James Jones. Some would call it destiny, you just call it luck.
Andrew Luck.
