As was recently announced, Teresa Sullivan is reportedly stepping down as UVa president after the 2017-2018 school year and has asked the university to begin searching for a new president. This news came as a surprise to me, for it seemed that our president, affectionately known by the student body as T. Sully, had just begun her administration here at UVa. Nonetheless, her imminent departure is an opportunity for other lesser-known public figures to have their moment in the sun. Below I've listed a few people who I think would be feasible candidates for her successor.
1. Tony Bennett
If you're going to have a leader of the university's students and faculty, why not make it one of the most beloved figures we have? Sure, he might be busy coaching a lot of the time, but if he ran this school like he coaches our basketball team, we'd be in for a lot of slam-dunk decisions.
2. Tony Bennett
If we can't have Tony Bennett, the basketball coach, be our president, the least we can do is have Tony Bennett, the crooner, guide us to intellectual success. This decision would probably confuse a lot of people, but it would at least have initial name recognition.
3. Miss Kathy
4. The Dumpling Truck Line
At this point, why not. We'd all be well fed at least. This lengthy line is a powerful force.
5. The ghost of St. Maarten's
Nothing has recently united the UVa community quite like the sudden, unexpected closing of popular neighborhood bar St. Maarten's Cafe last October. Hearts were broken, tears were shed, and last-minute cheese fries were consumed. But I have a feeling that the spirit of St. Maarten's still lives on and would continue to lovingly unite UVa students as the university president.
6. A Whetherman
It might be too much if we had the entire group of Whethermen running the show on Grounds, but one singular Whetherman might be just what we need to transition between leaders here at this prestigious university. They would inject some much-needed humor into the everyday routines of UVa students, and would solve all of our problems on the spot with improvisational comedy. Sounds like a fool-proof plan to me.
7. Malcolm Brogdon, after his NBA career comes to a glorious conclusion
I know that Malcolm is busy right now being a basketball star with the Milwaukee Bucks and dunking on LeBron. But, as UVa loves to advertise, he did graduate from Batten and probably knows a little something or two about effective leadership. After having his number retired from the university, he might be thinking that there's no greater honor he could receive from his alma mater, but I beg to differ. Pardon the pun, but it's worth a shot.
8. Bob Chapel, retired musical theater guru
If Professor Chapel ran this university as smoothly as he ran his productions and musical theater classes, UVa would be in a very good place. We could always use more public acknowledgement of the arts at this university, and now that he's not teaching in the Drama Department anymore, he is sorely missed by the arts community here at UVa. Should he decide to give back to the university in a different way by succeeding President Sullivan as president, I'm sure the curtain would happily rise for him.
9. POTUS Emeritus, Barack Obama
If there's anyone qualified to be the next president of UVa, it's this guy. Not only was he our actual president for eight years, but he also was a college professor for years at the University of Chicago Law School. In addition, Obama actually has ancestry in Virginia dating back a couple of centuries. Our outgoing POTUS is probably not eager to jump back into a presidential role just yet, but if I were the UVa administrators in charge of navigating this transition between university presidents, I would keep him on the back-burner as a valuable option to consider.
10. The Man Himself
This may not be feasible due to the death of Mr. Jefferson nearly 200 years ago. But, barring that minor setback, I can't honestly think of anyone more fit to take over from President Sullivan than the man who originally created and designed this university. If he can't lead us in person, perhaps the engineering department can rig up a hologram of Thomas Jefferson to usher us into a new, glorious era of academical achievement.
11. Tina Fey
We all know the only worthy successor for Teresa Sullivan is the pride of UVa Drama, Tina Fey. Granted, she might have a few projects going on that would prevent her from committing fully to the job, but it's always worth the shot to snag her for this position. If we don't aim high, we'll never achieve anything. UVa, start making some phone calls. It's time to lock in Tina as our next president before she develops another hit sitcom on NBC and gets tied up for the next eight years.
