10 Types of Facial Hair That All Girls Hate
Start writing a post
Sports

10 Types of Facial Hair That All Girls Hate

1512
10 Types of Facial Hair That All Girls Hate

1. The Wannabe Lumber Jack

Nowadays, everyone who can grow facial hair past the stubble stage claims they’re ‘lumbersexual’ when in fact, they look like the latest member of a band of old bikers with beards. Women don’t want to have a scraggly, long beard ruining their pictures or practically eating their faces when they want to share a kiss. This look says you either don’t care enough to shave or you’ve been stuck inside Jumanji for the past 20 years.

2. The Sandpaper

Also known as “5 O’clock Shadow”, this beard is the roughest of the rough. The lightest touch can feel like being stabbed with a thousand miniature needles resulting in rashes and red marks galore. Men, please take this advice: SHAVE YOUR STUBBLE. Women want to touch your face, and somehow I feel you want them to touch it too, so please say goodbye. The sandpaper says you just rolled out of bed and you may or may not have put on clean underwear today.

3. The Hipster

This type of facial hair is unlike the rest. It’s most likely groomed with products you’ve never heard of *insert eye roll here* with flakes of kale stuck in it. Women don’t want you to spend more time primping your facial hair than spending time with them. The hipster tells us that although your facial hair has more Instagram likes, you probably still put your skinny jeans on one leg at a time like the rest of us.

4. The Patches

Although big and full beards are some people’s forte, having patchy facial hair is a no-go. The best way to combat this epidemic of sporadic hair is to pick up that trusty razor and do the go-to baby face. This look is the between stages of ‘this is my first chin hair’ and ‘the wannabe lumber jack’.

5. The ‘This Is My First Chin Hair’

There comes a time in every young man’s life when puberty hits like a Mac truck and they begin to grow their first facial hairs. Listen boys, everyone knows that the first hair holds a special place in your hormone filled heart, but that lone ranger is exactly that, alone. You may be proud of that hair, but women don’t really see it how you do. They see someone who is on the verge of being an official man-child that won’t shave that one little lonely hair.

6. The Neckbeard

The neckbeard is that patch of hair between the bottom of the chin all the way down to the collarbone, or lower (sometimes it merges with chest hair *shudders*). A true neckbeard is like ivy; it starts growing and the next thing you know, you have hair from up here to down there. This style says you probably don’t even own a razor.

7. The Creepy Mustache

Mustaches have been around since the beginning of facial hair but certain types of mustaches carry the creep factor. Everyone can envision those pencil mustaches that practically catcall all by themselves. If you’re going for the mustache look, at least make it clean. The creepy mustache tells women to stay away like the big red warning sign.

8. The Sole Patch

A sole patch is like the mustaches douche-y cousin who makes inappropriate jokes at family functions. We see them but tend to avoid them because let’s face it, the bottom lip strip isn’t as cool as they think. The sole patch says you probably live in your parents basement, not out of need, but because they do your laundry.

9. The Playoff

Every season, whether it be hockey or football, there is a group of men who make a superstitious pact to not shave until their team is out of playoffs. Women everywhere have had to see this progression of scruff, while we would rather be either watching the game or ignoring it altogether. The playoff tells us that the “bro’s” are almost as important as the team you root for, and that you probably have bar nuts stuck in there somewhere.

10. The Chops

Chops are the exact opposite of a goatee, but with extra awfulness. Being a cross between regular hair and sideburns that are out of whack, women know to stay away when they see a man trying to channel their best Wolverine. This look says, ‘While I can grow facial hair, I choose to look like a fictional superhero”.

MORAL OF THE STORY: We appreciate the effort, but not the beard. Do yourself (and us!) a favor, buy a Schick Hydro razor, and clean that up. Hydro is one of the best razors out there, and won’t break the bank. You’re welcome.
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Pride Doesn't End With June

Here's seven ways you can be an ally to the LGBTQ+ community after pride month ends.

2545
Pride Doesn't End With June
Photo by Sara Rampazzo on Unsplash

As July begins, the month we call 'Pride Month' is technically over. However, just because pride month is over doesn't mean we can't still show pride and support for our LGBT brothers and sisters. This article here will tell you seven ways to be a supportive ally to the LGBTQ+ all year round.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

My 4th Of July Look

MISS SWISS - Glamour On The Go

2946
My 4th Of July Look

Whether I can get to the beach this weekend or I'm just at a friend's pool, I know I'll be picture ready. Fourth of July weekend following so close behind Pennsylvania lifting the state mask mandate has me anticipating many smiling faces, eager to capture the moment.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Eat and Drink Your Way Through Los Angeles With Me

When i die spread my ashes at the Bubba Gump at Citywalk

2615
Eat and Drink Your Way Through Los Angeles With Me
Hailey Hastings via Canva

First and foremost, I am a foodie. In any city that I am in, the first thing I want to know is where the best places to eat and drink are, and I imagine a lot of you are the same. Los Angeles happens to be one of the greatest food cities in the United States, so it's only right that I present you guys with this list. These are the best places (that I have tried) in Los Angeles to eat or drink.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Your Guide to Dryness-Preventing Nutrition

You might be surprised to learn that nearly half of women over the age of 50 struggle with uncomfortable symptoms due to vaginal dryness. This is an extremely common issue for those entering menopause, but it can also affect those of a younger age as well.

3363
Dryness-Preventing Nutrition

You might be surprised to learn that nearly half of women over the age of 50 struggle with uncomfortable symptoms due to vaginal dryness. This is an extremely common issue for those entering menopause, but it can also affect those of a younger age as well. Common issues like UTI’s, yeast infections and medications can cause vaginal dryness but one of the big culprits for both cause and prevention is diet. Supplementing your diet with nutrients and vitamins to encourage your body to produce the hormones it needs are one of the many home remedies for dryness. There are many factors that can cause dryness and the uncomfortable symptoms that come along with it, and diet is one of the big culprits on the list. Keep reading to learn about adopting nutrition habits that both alleviate and prevent dryness!

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Artificial Intelligence: the Upward Downfall

We are walking a dangerous road with AI

4703

“Alexa, I want the truth.”

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments