I'm currently sick. Not sure if it's the flu—I've had that and it's awful. But needless to say between the cough, stuffed head and nose that just drips, I'm not a happy camper. So because of my current state I decided to research (using that term lightly) some fun facts about the flu. Facts, (again using this term lightly) such as remedies and what makes it worse. Here's what I found.
1. The flu turns men sometimes compared to Hercules and women once called Wonder Woman, into whining puppies incapable of reaching for tissues on their own. It's a sad state of affairs.
2. Medicine doesn't help. The FDA has approved this statement. The flu makes you believe that you must buy up the medicine isle at your local pharmacy forcing you to spend your hard earned trust fund entirely on syrups and pills that might as well be sugar.
3. Ice cream, on the other hand, is showing promise of being the cure for the flu. The FDA is looking into this and I'm hopeful.
4. Politics only makes the flu worse. Stay off Facebook if you want your nose to clear up before the next election.
5. Body aches can be cured by cuddles. Cuddles can from significant others, parents, friends, pets, but not stuffed animals. The line was drawn there.
6. It is believed the flu first spawned on an alphabet carpet in the middle of a kindergarten classroom. It was during snack time when Jimmy C shared his poison apple, the one coughed on earlier, with Susie M. This dark day is remembered yearly with a candlelight vigil.
7. Sleepiness is up there with godliness. Meaning, sleep like a princess waiting for her prince.
8. There is an old wives tale that says the flu can be made worse if symptoms are not shoved in the face of family members every 30 minutes. Because you might actually be dying—you're not, but your family still needs to hear about your woes.
9. On average the flu can take a week to work through your body. But if you're a normal and relatively healthy person it'll takes a quarter of a century. So there's that.
10. Avoiding people, washing your hands, taking airborne, avoiding stress, getting the flu shot and other precautionary tactics can help you avoid getting the soul sucking illness. However, you're still going to get it. It’s best to accept that fact.
The flu sucks. Being sick sucks. Ice cream helps just as much as Advil. Also crying to a parent or friend about how you feel like "you're actually dying" is a legitimate way of coping. Stay strong my friends and pray for spring.
P.S. For maybe legal reasons…*shrugs* I made a lot of this stuff up.
