There are many people in this world with anxiety but that doesn't make it any easier to date us. There are things that people need to know before they date someone with anxiety so that the stress from the anxiety doesn't kill the relationship completely.
1. Most of the time it's not just an anxiety disorder.
When you are dating someone with an anxiety disorder, most of the time you aren't just dealing with an anxiety disorder. They can be paired with low self-esteem, low self-worth, an obsessive compulsive disorder and eating disorder, a panic disorder, PTSD, a collective of these and many more mental health disorders. This means that you aren't dealing with a person who is only nervous in social situations but has certain triggers as well.
2. We will always worry.
We text you saying goodnight and you don't answer before we fall asleep so all of these terrible thoughts of completely preposterous tragedies pop into our heads. What if something happened to a family member? Or a tree fell on their car while driving? Or lightening hit their house? Or they just don't want to talk to me anymore? When we question why you haven't responded, its not because we are needy and clingy and checking in to see what you're up to, we're literally in a panic thinking the worst of the worst has happened and need to speak to you to make sure you are okay.
3. We need reassurance.
People with anxiety disorders need to be reassured that just because you didn't say "I love you" before you hung up the phone doesn't mean that you actually don't love us. It is a completely irrational thought and we know that, but we can't stop our brains from wandering to the place where bad things happen.
4. We sometimes don't feel like we're good enough.
With that being said, we are not mopping around waiting for the day that we get a text from you realizing that you don't want to be with us anymore. Most days are good days where we know there are reasons that are good about us that outweigh the anxiety, but that doesn't mean that we don't have our doubts. There are always times where we feel like we should just end it because you'd be better off without someone like us, and when we feel that way you need to stop it. You need to explain that if you wanted someone else you'd find someone else but that you want us and only us.
5. We walk on eggshells. A lot.
Going along with feeling like we are not good enough, we also feel like everything we say or do can push you away from us. Again this a completely irrational thought and we know it. But intern we say and do things to make us seem less "crazy" and try to manage our emotions in order to make sure we don't ruin what we have because of our disorder.
6. Not all days are bad.
With the ever growing acceptance of mental health disorders, there are also ever growing stereotypes. Once you learn that we have an anxiety disorder don't treat us differently. We are not always anxious. We don't sit at a restaurant expecting a plane to crash into it and kill everyone. Just like everyone else we have good days and bad days and some days are really good and others are really bad. Just be aware of our triggers and when we say that we are anxious and uncomfortable in a situation, get us out of it. And if that is not possible, tell us that we are okay and nothing bad is going to happen.
7. Don't underestimate us.
Just because we have social anxiety or an obsessive compulsive disorder does not mean its to the extreme that you think it may be. Many of us can walk into a crowded store or leave the room without turning the light off ten times and be perfectly fine. It may just be that we can't be in front of a crowd with all eyes on us, or that we can't have anything in our room out of place unless being used.
8. Sometimes we bail on dates.
This isn't because we don't like you and don't want to go out with you but we could literally just have a bad feeling about leaving the house or get worked up trying to figure out an outfit. Our emotions amplify each other when we are in the state of anxiety. Our hearts and thoughts race which makes us nervous to do anything.
9. We are not our anxiety.
Don't treat us like we need to be watched over and especially don't treat us like we are broken. We can function perfectly well daily and we don't need people to parent or babysit us. You are our significant other, not the person who watches over us and you are most definitely not our therapist. Yes, there are times where we will just word vomit out all of our emotions at the time and then expect you to try and understand. This does not mean that you should badger us everyday on how we are feeling.
10. Just love us for who we are.
With our disorder or not, through the bad days and good days, during attacks and functioning perfectly fine, just love us. During an attack hold us to make us feel less crazy, help us breathe to make us feel like we're not drowning and tell us you love us and you are there to reassure us that you don't think we're bonkers and that no matter what love is stronger. It will take more time and more effort to make us believe you 100% choose us and want to be with us than other people but we will be forever grateful. Because of how much effort you put into us we will love you stronger than you could ever imagine possible.
