As someone who struggles with mental health, it can be difficult opening up to people, because sometimes they can do more harm than good. Here is a list, in no particular order, of ten things to avoid saying if a friend or family member opens up to you.
1.“You’re not depressed, you are just sad.”
No, actually I am not. You see, it isn’t just about me feeling “sad.” Sadness is a complete different feeling, sadness is being able to cheer yourself up. Depression is like this fog over you; you never know why it’s there, you think to yourself, “my life is good, why should I be depressed?” but this fog is like trying to find the sun on a cloudy cloudy day, it’s almost impossible. So, [enter friend’s name here], I’m not sad, i’m depressed.
2.“You just need to get out more, get out of that funk”
I can’t, because I am a hostage to my bed. I am glued to it, and I try to get up and escape, I’ve tried, but I get halfway out the door and I can't place my foot over the door, I want to step outside my door.
3.“ You just need to not worry anymore.”
This one is my favorite, because people actually tell me this a lot when I tell them I have anxiety. Their first instinct is to say, “you just need to relax, stop worrying.” OHH! How I wish I could just “stop worrying,” but unfortunately, I literally CANNOT stop worrying. In my head I think about a hundred different scenarios how things can go wrong and I stay fixated there, my brain can not stop thinking how things can go south.
4.“Other people have it worse”
I don’t think people realize how offensive this can be. By saying this, they are basically saying that your feelings are not valid. That you shouldn’t feel this way because “other people have it worse” and although that may be true, the fact is that when people open up, it can be a difficult thing, and we need all the support. By writing our feelings off, it adds to the flame of overthinking and anxiety.
5.“It’s just a bad phase, you’ll get over it”
Yeah thanks, I hope I get over it too, but right now it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I might never know what it feels like to be genuinely happy, to not stress out over everything, to not feel like a hostage in my own body. My body doesn’t feel like mine, my mind has a mind of its own, I can’t control it, and no I haven’t given up, i’m just tired of feeling this way. So yes, I hope it’s just a bad phase, but it doesn't feel that way, it feels like an eternity.
6.“But you are so lucky/blessed”
Gee, thanks! I know right? So do you get my frustration when I don’t understand or comprehend why I am feeling depressed or why I am having anxiety attacks every day. This is probably one of the worst things people have said to me when I am opening up. Mental health doesn’t affect only the poor, the broken hearted, the orphans. It doesn’t discriminate, anyone can be affected by it and that just may be the hardest thing to come to terms. Not finding the source of your instability can drive you up the wall.
7.“ Oh, you’re just stressed”
Stress and anxiety can often be masked as the same or even appear the same, the difference is stress goes away after a cup of tea, a relaxing bath, even a nap. Stress usually has a source, anxiety doesn’t. Anxiety has 1,000 sources and none at the same time. Anxiety is the feeling that you constantly feel in the back of your head, not letting you sleep, keeping you up at night.
8.“Life is hard, you must press through”
While that is true, living with depression, in my case, feels like a brick wall on my chest preventing me from living, preventing me from doing the things I love. By saying this, you are adding to the stigma of mental health, and brushing it under the rug. Yes, life is hard, but you never imagine you are going to be the one suffering from depression, anxiety, or what have you. Life becomes even harder when struggling with mental health.
9.“You are lazy, you don’t do anything”
No, I am not lazy. I just can’t find the motivation to do anything. I am dying to do something productive, to wake up early and go to sleep early. I truly want nothing more. However, anxiety keeps me up at night and depressions glues me to my bed. I wake up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe, finding it hard to find reality, every night there is a battle and every night I feel like I lose it.
10.“Just breathe, and try to forget it"
I really wish I could, but i am currently gasping for air, there is not enough air in the world to calm me down. Mental health can be complicated and it can be a lot to deal with, especially when you are dealing with more than one issue. Breathing exercises work some people but not all, and forgetting about it, is not all that easy to do.
These ten phrases may be easy to say, but can hurt more than you intend. Always remember to listen to your friends and family and give them support, a good phrases to use is this:
“I may not understand what you are going through, but I am here for you no matter what.”
You’ll be surprised how much comfort those words can bring to person who is in need of support and is struggling with their mental health.
