There are not very many things that Hogs fans have to smile about with our recent losses to SEC opponents, so I’ve taken it upon my comedic genius self to come up with reasons why depressed Hog fans/beaten by 'Bama fans -- like myself --can chuckle a bit at the stupidity of our counterparts in the Crimson Tide football team and fan base.

1. We don’t have this kid: caption reads, “Face only a mother could love.” 

2. Nick Saban may or may not be the antichrist. The jury is still out on this one, but who wants a head coach who sold his soul to the devil for great coaching ability and a large case of hair mousse? 

3. Lane Kiffen. For all of the woes and lamenting that goes on about every Arkansas coaching staff position, training staff opening, or water boy selection committee held each year, I don’t think I would drop the black sheep that is Jim Chaney over the highly overrated OC that is Lane Kiffen. Plus, I am still waiting on him and good ol' Nicky to get in a knife fight on the sidelines 

4. You have the lamest mascot in the SEC. Big Al is a wuss and everyone knows it. I mean, come on people, who cares what some fan in 1930 said about their lineman and the reporter who wrote about it. I mean, if Arkansas had listened to commentary from the media last season, we would have been renamed the “Arkansas Boot-Lickers.” Plus, they are the Crimson Tide and, last I checked, elephants did not have a big say in oceanic movements and topography. 

5. Being the most hated team in college football. While my hatred for the Texas Shorthorns and LSU Sissy Cats is as strong as ever, there is a special place in my personal purgatory for the Red boys from Alabama. This feeling is shared by so many of my peers across the country outside of Tuscaloosa, AL that most of the time they are just watching Alabama games to see someone get hurt.              

6. They cheated Forrest Gump through college. Alright, I may be a communist for saying this, but there is no way that boy from Greenbow, AL made it through his five years of college without a little help from the tutoring staff. Good on the Bear himself for picking that kid up, though.       

7. They let Bob Stoops, Oklahoma, and the Big 12 think they were important. This peeves me to no end, only because I am a staunch supporter of SEC teams running the national stage. Last year’s Sugar Bowl was the epitome of “you had one job.” Losing to Chokelahoma was a crime against SEC fans everywhere -- even if my team was struggling a bit, that year. 

8. A.J. McCarron took Katherine Webb off the market. Thus, we jump from a crime against the SEC to a crime against humanity. Lucky guy, but I blame him for being the single man that I am. 

9. The target is still firmly on your back. While I am sure many fans everywhere wish to be in limelight, Saban era Alabama fans are stuck in, drowning in, and suffocating in the light that is the expectations for their program. One mishap and they are seen as failures, driven from the nation's top spot. While many teams with one loss seasons are considered powerhouses, Alabama is always the team that has the burden of a national championship to think about. Honestly, Alabama football and their fans are like that kid who complains about getting a 90 on a pass/fail quiz. Take my word for it, no one likes that kid.  

10. Your downfall is coming. With the emergence of the power of the SEC, Alabama is no longer seen as the unstoppable force it was in the past five years. Not many remember the early 2000s, but I foresee a future where Alabama no longer runs the SEC west. Chew on that, Crimson Tide.